A Thankful Heart, a couple of weeks early (you know, cuz thanksgiving is coming up)

Okay, so my main "gripe" in life lately has been finances. Read earlier posts to determine the reason for that. Sadly, it consumes most decisions that I have to make. I am fairly certain that no one would envy the financial situation we are currently in. (well, okay, there are probably plenty of people in worse financial shape that I am, but I'm trying to make a point here, so roll with it) You might even say that people could look at my life and expect me to be bitter or even a bit depressed that we are not more financially stable. Thankfully, I know who God is and I have never felt that way about my situation. Have I been a bit angry about it at times? Sure. Do I wish it were different. Sure. But, today, God gave me a reminder of my past that made me incredibly thankful for any financial strain I might be experiencing right now! (everything written up to this point has simply been an introduction to what I'm about to say, so in case you were skimming before, now is the time to pay attention) We were singing in church this morning and I don't remember the exact words we were singing, but it had something to do with praising God for being the one who pulls you up out of the pit, that He will be your Help and your Rescue and that a better day is coming. (I don't think any of those exact words were used, but it's the same idea) I was reminded of a time where I was singing such words with tears running down my face. I immediately felt again what it meant to really be crying out to God to pull me out of the darkness I was living in and praising Him for the hope He was giving that He would rescue me. The place Lance and I were in before coming to C3 had become darkness for us. We were definitely in a pit and I vividly remember attempting to sing praise songs to God, but would, very often, be unable because I could not control how hard I was crying. It was an incredibly hard time in my life and I am so thankful that God chose to remind me of it today so that I can be thankful for the fact that my biggest "gripe" right now is simply finances. It is sooooooo much more difficult to deal with spiritual and emotional darkness surrounding you than it is to deal with money matters. I cannot even begin to describe the whole situation, but I genuinely feared to raise a family among it. My heart wept for the kids in our youth group who knew church and the things of God to be nothing other than what was going on around them. I knew that God had called us there, but I knew I could not be there much longer. I have never begged God for anything more than to call us somewhere else. Now, I can't deny that God did some amazing things while we were there and He will even be able to use the experience later in our lives , just like He did today, making me thankful for where He has me now, causing me to praise Him for His steadfast love and grip on my life.

How Am I Going To Deal With Two?

Boston is absolutely the cutest kid I know -- he is hilarious and incredibly smart (some might say gifted), but he drives me insane sometimes. This week, for example, he has had 4 or 5 fairly serious falls already, which require me to 1)comfort him 2) calm him down 3) assess the injury accurately 4)"fix it" 5) answer questions about it the rest of the day -- all of this takes TIME. Not that I am super busy or anything, but how am I going to do this with 2 kids? It's already exhausting with one. No, I am not an insensitive mother who despises taking care of her child's "boo-boo's" -- I'm just making a point. The driving me crazy part is the real issue -- the constant fit throwing. Anytime, he does not get his way -- he whines and throws a fit. Thankfully, he doesn't really throw fits like the one I saw today at Target -- a kid about Boston's age was on the ground while the mom was checking out biting her ankles and screaming -- no joke! (I'm knocking on wood right now). Anyway, it is becoming increasingly clear to me that my days are going to be filled with constant injury prevention/care and fit throwing. Granted, I send him to his room each time a fit is decided to be thrown, but that wears on you too. Anyway, people survive much worse, so I'm not that worried about it -- just getting a glimpse into my future and not necessarily excited about it.
How often do we drive God crazy? We want him to effectively take care of us each time we fall and, just like Boston, we want him to take care of it exactly like we think He should take care of it or else we may just throw a fit! I don't think it's a good idea to compare myself to God because I do get tired of it and annoyed by it, but I dont' think He does, necessarily. His mercies are new every morning -- Hallelujah! And I'm whining about taking care of 2 and look at the millions He so delicately cares for!! God is awesome and I am glad to be His child!

I didn't vote!

That's right and I'm not even sure that I am registered to vote! I know, I know - some of you will feel compelled to yell at me and I am okay with that. Here's the thing -- what good does it really do? Texas ALWAYS ends up voting Republican, which is what I would have voted, so my vote would have done absolutely nothing. I'm not griping about the system, but I simply see no need for me to take the time when it honestly doesn't matter at all! Now, if I lived in a state where I thought I could try to make a difference, then my attitude would be different, but I don't, so I see no need. Now, I sometimes have the same attitude about prayer, but that doesn't mean I should quit praying, does it? There really is a mystery around prayer for me -- if God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - what does me praying FOR things do? I totally understand that it is important for me to have an intimate relationship with the Lord and have conversation with him and share things with him, but I am talking about the type of prayer where we ask God to change something like someones sickness or something like that (I can't think of anymore examples off the top of my head, but you know what I mean, right?). I mean, why do we pray for God's will to be done when we already know that it will? Anyway, it makes no sense I know, but sometimes I just don't understand why I should pray for certain things. All that to say, I still keep praying because even though I don't necessarily understand it, the Bible tells me to. I dont' think the same is true about voting - in certain elections, I really do not see the point for me to take the time to vote for the inevitable and the Bible is not clearly instructing me to do so, so I probably will continue to have this attitude!!