a "praise"

This isn't really spiritual, which is what I intended this blog to be about, but I can make it spiritual by calling it a "praise." I am, obviously, sort of making fun at the fact that we make things spiritual to make ourselves feel better - like calling gossip, prayer concerns. But, anyway - enough of that, this literally did make me praise God today. Actually, as I was writing that - I was kind of thinking - that's a lie because have I actually praised Him for it or was I just thinking it was a really cool thing that happened to me? Doesn't really matter because it is still today and I am praising Him for it now! Now it sounds like it is going to be this really awesome thing while it is actually something not all that huge - but here it is: I teach little kid gymnastic classes 3 nights a week at the rec center down the street from my house. Last week, I had an out of control 3-5 year old class and they did not get a stamp at the end of class!! This was a huge deal and there were tears (not mine, but a couple of the kids). I realize that I am probably a bit crankier these days due to the pregnancy, but it really was ridiculous AND this particular class has become increasingly more defiant and WILD over the weeks. So, last week was the end -- I had had enough. And on a side note, their parents are right there watching -- they are behind a half wall of glass, but they can hear and see everything that we do! I HATE disciplining their children right in front of them -- there have been several occassions when, if the roles were reversed, I would have come into the class, taken Boston out, and disciplined him myself. I was slow to say this sort of thing before I had kids, but I have one now, very close to the same age as these kids and I KNOW that I would not condone the sort of behavior that I am forced to put up with. End side note. A few of the parents were a little shocked at how blunt I was in saying - no stamps, see ya next week! I wasn't necessarily worried about the parents being mad at me, but definitely a bit concerned that they might be put off enought to not sign their kids back up next session, which would diminish my paycheck! Well, I am happy to report (here comes the praise part) that the entire class (minus one, but I know the mom and had already spoken with her about it, so I know she didn't leave the class because she was mad) was here tonight AND they were awesome!! They actually stood in line when I asked them to, which has never happened! They sat and waited their turn very well, which has never happened. They listened and did exactly what they were supposed to do! It totally validated my decision to NOT reward their behavior with a stamp last week! Isn't it crazy what power some ink and a little picture of a thumbs up have?

Praying really hard

I just heard someone say that they were praying really hard for something. What exactly does that mean? What is the difference between praying for something and praying really hard? What is the difference between seeking the Lord's will and really seeking it? Well, in asking myself this, I realized a difference: I've always claimed that I am in a constant state of prayer as the Bible instructs us to be, because I am constantly surrendered to and in tune with what God would have me do. I feel like I am always seeking Him in all things even if I'm not bowing down and closing my eyes and physically speaking a prayer, you know? And although those things are good, they are sometimes a substitute for "really" praying hard or "really" seeking Him in my life, which is not good. It's as if I convince myself that I am being who God wants me to be or doing what He wants me to do because I haven't heard Him tell me to be or do anything different. But, i fail to physically bow down and close my eyes and ask Him on a regular basis. People probably get sick of hearing me whine about my current situation, but it is somewhat all-consuming at this point, and so I am going to relate it to my current thought process, whether you like it or not! All along, I have felt like I was seeking the Lord and doing what He would have me do. I've thought - well, I know, without a doubt, that He moved Lance and I to Conroe, so I know that He is going to take care of the things that we left there. I've thought that there is nothing else that I can conceivably do (except for go and burn down the house and be done with it, which has definitely crossed my mind)! And while it is true that God will take care of what we left behind because we were being obedient to Him, that doesn't mean that I might not need to play a part in that. And just because I can't, in my limited mind, think of anything else that I could be doing at this point (except for pay someone to clean my house, pay the plumber to fix the leak, and other things that keep costing me money), that doesn't meant that God can't reveal something to me that needs to be done! Am I praying really hard for Him to reveal these things to me? Am I really seeking Him? The answer, up to this point, has been NO! I have been lazy -- maybe He has to bring me to this point of desparation to really communicate with Him! How sad is that?! So, here begins the praying really hard and really seeking Him for me.............

My Heart is Heavy

Why don't the people around me love the Lord? Why do they waste their lives? Why don't they do everything in their power to honor and glorify Him? Why? Because I don't do my job as an ambassador for Christ! This heaviness in my heart all began with a phone call from a friend directing me to someones facebook page that included something that the caller, as well as myself, thought should not be there. It's one of those legalism of the church versus living under God's grace issues, which I hate. I mostly hate it because I know, in my heart, and in the leading of the Holy Spirit, that this "freedom" they claim to be living in is wrong, but I don't know God's Word well enough to refute it. So, I went searching -- I actually found LOTS of scripture and truth from His Word and was encouraged. I mean, I was encouraged because the truth was becoming clearer to me, but it just made my heart heavier for those who are decieved. I just don't understand it -- how people can truly claim to love the Lord and choose a path in life that looks like they desire to serve Him, and then get caught up in this whole emergent church lifestyle, becoming relevant to the world around them, and whatever other language they choose to attatch to it when it all, so obviously, contradicts the person of Christ. It just hurts my heart. I realize that I am, in no form of the word, perfect, but I do believe that there is a difference in a messing up but striving to be better AND living a life where you justify your sin in the name of Christian liberty! Anyway, that is where it all began for me this evening, then as I was in facebook, I saw some updated pictures and clicked on the album. It was an album of someone close to me and the pictures were of them drinking and partying and other things. It just made it all worse for me. I love this person and I hate to watch them waste their life on meaningless things. I aksed myself, over and over, as I looked at these pictures why they would be doing such things. Then, it hit me -- have I done anything to cause this person to want to live any differently? Have I shown them a picture of Christ in my life that causes them to want what I have? Do I love Jesus Christ so much that it is evident to the people around me? And the same goes for the people I was initially frustrated with, who choose to be free so they can do what they please, rather than be free to be like Christ -- I was looking for Scripture to back my claim so I could refute their actions, but really I just need to continually point them to Christ with my actions, show them the love of Christ, and do all I can to honor and glorify Him! That being said, I am glad that His Word encouraged me and enlightened me tonight so that I can be ready to share the truth when the situation calls for it.

I'm Looking for the Shadow!

Okay, so God painted an awesome illustration for me yesterday at church, with the help of our pastor, Mike. Let me start with how it related to me -- the pastor did not include this part in his sermon, of course! Everytime we are outside - either simply walking to the car or actually walking somewhere or playing outside, Boston MUST be in the shade. He calls it a shadow. He will stop at the edge of the shade, where the sun begins, and not take another step unless he sees where the next shade will be. I am not making this up - it is hilarious. Luckily, in SouthEast Texas, there is lots of shade, unlike West Texas! So, the illustration at church yesterday was this: Are we walking in Christ's shadow or our own. If the Son (or sun) is behind us, we are walking in our shadow, but if the Son (or sun) is in front of us, we are walking in His shadow. It totally hit me that I need to be more like Boston, refusing to take another step unless I see His shadow. Boston chooses to only walk in the 'shadow' and so should I! It may make no sense at all to you, but it makes perfect sense to me, which is sometimes how God lessons go!

To Add Misery to Insult

Do you ever ask God, why? Or suggest that He hurry up and end the problem or answer the question or reveal the solution? That is the situation I am in. Just yesterday, I was totally satisfied with His plan and His sufficiency to care for the problem at hand and it is just amazing how much Satan hates that sense of peace that the Holy Spirit was providing me with. We found out today that our former renters left TONS of stuff in our house, so we have to decide what to do about that. That isn't really much of a financial issue as it is an I am plain ticked-off issue. It could turn into a bit of a financial situation when I have to figure out how to have their junk hauled off, but really I just need to allow God to help me forgive them and love them and quit being so angry! The 2nd thing we found out today is that there is a MAJOR water leak underneath the house, which will likely be a financial issue. We got the water turned off, but are now waiting on the plumber to assess the situation, which includes damaged floors inside the house!! So, there is not only the bill to take care of those problems, but it delays our ability to sell the house, you know? A mere 12 hours ago, I had such peace about this whole situation and I just need to calm down and allow the Lord to show me that He is, indeed, still in control! I gotta say, though, I still want to say -- hurry up! Get on with the lesson teaching and just take care of the problem. I mean, I'm pregnant and don't need this extra stress, right? I know, I know, He knows the entire situation and is still in control!!

God is Good!

That title could be appropriate for every blog I ever write, so you may see it again!
Okay, so basically, I'm just glad that God is on my team (or I'm on His -whichever)! I am so glad that I am able to trust Him and count on Him and just be His, you know? Here's the downlow: Lance has 2 part-time jobs (delivering Real Estate Magazines and Worship Pastor at C3) and I have a part-time job (teaching various classes at the City of Conroe Recreation Center). Needless to say, we are not rolling in the dough, but we are definitley making it okay. However, 2 pretty major things have happened recently that puts more than just a strain on our financial situation -- #1)We are having a baby and at my 1st OB appt, I was informed that I do not have maternity coverage on my insurance! We were told that we would need to call the hospital, pre-register, and then pay for the hospital charges by the 7th month, and that the doctors office would have a worksheet with a total of their charges by my next appt and that the total would also need to be paid by the 7th month! Needless to say, I was a little freaked out. We had good insurance when Boston was born, but I still saw copies of the bills and it was very close to $20,000!! Okay, so I was a lot freaked out! I talked to the hospital and the cost is incredibly lower when you pre-pay without insurance, so we are on our way to having that paid off. The OB/GYN that I had decided to go see was the only one that I knew of - she and her family go to our church. Her daughter used to be Boston's girlfriend - I don't think they have been playing together well lately - she has gotten taller than him, he must be intimidated by a taller woman! Anyway, she found out about my billing situation in her office and told the powers that be that she would not be charging me a dime!! I will still have to pay lab fees incurred while under her care, but that is all. So, God is Good!!
#2) We still own our house in Lamesa! We have had a family living there for the past year with a contract to buy the house on or before October 1st (today)! Well, they moved out last week without ever telling us! They still haven't told us and will not return our phone calls! So, we now have to pay 2 house payments to make and I have absolutely no idea how that is going to work!
So, how is God good in this situation? Because of Him and my reliance on Him, I am not worried about it! I think about what we are going to do, but He has given me a genuine peace about it, which is way cool! He knows what He is doing and I have never doubted the fact that He called us here to Conore to serve Him. Because of that, I know that He is taking care of what we left behind. I do hate that He has to use tough situations like this to teach us things, but I am definitely glad that He is in control and not me. So, let the lesson be learned - whatever it may be!