A Call to Die - week 2

Okay, so this week was about dealing with the "hard words" we sometimes have to hear from Jesus - like, get such and such out of your life or go do this incredibly hard thing that no one else would understand, and the like. We talked about how to deal with these hard words - 1)be receptive, 2)obey, 3)be thankful cuz He's only telling you cuz He loves you, and 4) be RUTHLESS in taking care of business! I desperately desire for Him to point out the CRAP in my life that I place before Him because I desperately want to follow Him with everything that I am. So, I ask these "young adults" to pray each day this last week for God to shine His light on anything or anyone that is occupying His place in their heart and then to write those things down so they can begin dealing with them. Did I do it? Of course not! So, then it comes time for me to prepare for the next lesson to, so inadequately, teach them and for me to blog about week 2 in this call to die and I've got nothin'! What is that all about? Why do I, essentialy, forget about Him on a daily basis? Why do I think so many other things are so much more important and worthy of my time? I blame the culture, I blame being a mother, I blame being pregnant, I blame being sick, I blame being pregnant (oh, did I already say that one?). And, although, those are all fairly valid excuses - it is really simply my decision to be selfish. I, consciously, decide to not seek after Him, to not read His Word to me, to not, genuinely, say "Yes, Lord" each and every morning. And, I'm done! I don't wanna be a poser (I initially wrote fake, but then decided to modernize the language a bit). I do love God and I want to fall deeper in love with Him. I want to be uncomfortable with the things of this world, even when that makes no sense to the people around me. I wanna follow Him and I, desperately, want for these "young adults" to experience Christ the way that I have so many times. Oh, how their lives would change. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to play a role in showing them who You are and how You have called them to die. I commit myself to death, today.

LOT's of Catching Up...

Okay, so when this blog was started, I guess I thought that I would have all kinds of insightful, witty things to post -- turns out, that's not really the case. I could blame it on the pregnancy, but then I would feel obligated to be insightful and witty again after the baby is born, so I guess the 2 of you out there who actually read this blog can just live with the fact that I will post my ramblings on my own time...
Couple of things to talk about today and I don't really know where to begin.
1. First of all, let's just say that God is so good. He is so faithful and so constant, you know? How refreshing is that in today's world. I've been dealing with a bit of family drama that I let stress me out more than it should have (to the point of making myself sick - although, that isn't really that hard to do these days) and when I finally decide to just let it go -- who is there, ready to comfort me and give me peace and help me back on track? He's ALWAYS there and I am so thankful for that!
2. Alright, time for a cool illustration that I saw this last week. It was boston's birthday on Friday and my mom, aka Gramma, decided to make the 9 hour drive down here to surpise boston for his birthday. So, boston and I were coming home from lunch on Friday and I told him that there might be a surprise there for him when we got there. I called my mom on the way home and she was probably about 20 minutes behind us. When we got to the house, I told boston to look around for his surprise because it could be anywhere! He wanted to call his dad and ask him if he knew where his "prize" was. Dad told him that maybe he should just go outside and wait for it to come. So, that is what we did. It was pretty cute. Anyway, my mom drove up and he was pretty surprised, but he just ran up to her door looking for his prize! We tried to explain to him that Gramma coming WAS the surprise and he was, by no means, disappointed in that, but it was as if he just couldn't really understand how a person could be a prize or surprise. So, the illustration here is probably pretty self-explanatory, but it is always cool when God paints a picture for you in real life situations. Why is it so hard for us to see God as a prize. Why do we always have to look for what He might give us or "provide us with?" He IS our prize and we should treat Him as such. All boston wants to do when Gramma is here is play with her and spend time with her -- why are we not that way with the most awesome "prize" ever? Why do we waste our time and our lives on CRAP? My goal, since, has been to view God as my prize -- someone I am able to spend time with and enjoy and learn from and grow in -- every single day! I don't have to look around the house for him, I don't have to guess what the prize could be, I don't have to wait for him -- he is here, waiting for me to enjoy him! Super Cool!
3. a call to die -- week one! We have started a new Bible study on Fridays at lunch with the young adults at our church ( we named it a young adults study in the beginning in hopes that lance and I might actually meet some friends our own age, but they are all college students, way younger than us -- such is the life)! It's a journey of fasting from the world and feasting on God (yes, I just described the book using the tag line on the cover). Anyway, we started last week and I just want to try and update about it each week. It might be really cool to look back on and see how God used this study in certain ways. I am pretty excited about. Okay, so the 1st week was from Matt 16:24 - If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. We had a really good discussion about how to actually do each of those things. One of the main things that stuck out to me was to stop feeding selfishness. How hard is that in todays society? But in order for me to say yes to following Christ, I've got to say No to my selfish desires. So, I have tried to be mindful of that this week. My goal is to wake up each morning, saying Yes to God -- whatever that might mean for that day. I feel as if I have this attitude a lot of the times anyway, but it is so powerful to verbally confess that to God each and every morning. I will also say that it kind of hard to not be selfish when you are 8 months pregnant and MISERABLE -- I just want to lay on the couch and do nothing all day because I'm so stinkin' uncomfortable and moody and experiencing pain in places that I should not be experiencing pain!!! Anyway, God is teaching me through all of this and like I said, I am excited to continue on with this study - with all the wonderful college kids! (you know I had to throw that in, just in case one of them reads this one day)!!!

Can You Ask Jesus to Help Me?

I'm a terrible blogger, I know, but....
Okay, so this one should be good -- it's pretty good in my head anyway. We will see how it comes out in type! My husband will actually claim to own this story, but it's happened to me as well, so ...
Boston is potty trained (or potty training -- how long do you have to say that you are still in the midst of potty training -- like, when is it finally over?)!!! Anyway, let me go ahead and say that I don't linger while on the "potty." You know how some people, like sit there forever doing their business (like someone that I live with)? Not me -- I'm in and out. Well, Boston has not followed in my footsteps. He likes to take his time while sitting on the potty. He's working on the stand up thing when going #1, so I am just referring to the actual sitting on the potty while working on the #2! So, anyway -- I don't really trust him in the bathroom by himself yet with the yuckiness that is #2 -- that is definitely NOT something that I want to clean up. So, we have spent some time sitting in the bathroom lately. Midway through the process most times, he has started asking me if I can ask Jesus to help him push out the poo-poo!! Cute, I know. But, why not? So, we do. The problem, in the brain of a 2 year old, comes when it doesn't automatically happen as soon as we say amen! How do you explain that? In my years of teaching students, I always like to tell them that God cares about the things that care about and to talk to Him about those things, even when it seems silly. I believe this would fall into that category, for sure. I think that it is totally okay for Boston to ask Jesus to help him with something, but I hate for Him to think that Jesus isn't listening or doesn't care just because his request is not fulfilled immediately, you know? We'll have to really think about how to handle this delicate situation in a young formidable mind. But, it does make you think, doesn't it. I mean, it's totally normal for a 2 year old to be a bit impatient. But, as adults, don't we expect God to answer our prayers the way we want Him to and NOW?! It's a good lesson -- I want Boston to know that God wants for him to talk to Him about anything, but to not get frustrated if he doesn't always necessarily get his way. I guess my answer to him needs to be that God knows best and there must be a reason that you need to sit here a little bit longer before the rest of your poop comes out! It seems so simple, but I'll bet it's a big deal in Boston's mind and I'm so glad that he is beginning to comprehend the things of God!

A Thankful Heart, a couple of weeks early (you know, cuz thanksgiving is coming up)

Okay, so my main "gripe" in life lately has been finances. Read earlier posts to determine the reason for that. Sadly, it consumes most decisions that I have to make. I am fairly certain that no one would envy the financial situation we are currently in. (well, okay, there are probably plenty of people in worse financial shape that I am, but I'm trying to make a point here, so roll with it) You might even say that people could look at my life and expect me to be bitter or even a bit depressed that we are not more financially stable. Thankfully, I know who God is and I have never felt that way about my situation. Have I been a bit angry about it at times? Sure. Do I wish it were different. Sure. But, today, God gave me a reminder of my past that made me incredibly thankful for any financial strain I might be experiencing right now! (everything written up to this point has simply been an introduction to what I'm about to say, so in case you were skimming before, now is the time to pay attention) We were singing in church this morning and I don't remember the exact words we were singing, but it had something to do with praising God for being the one who pulls you up out of the pit, that He will be your Help and your Rescue and that a better day is coming. (I don't think any of those exact words were used, but it's the same idea) I was reminded of a time where I was singing such words with tears running down my face. I immediately felt again what it meant to really be crying out to God to pull me out of the darkness I was living in and praising Him for the hope He was giving that He would rescue me. The place Lance and I were in before coming to C3 had become darkness for us. We were definitely in a pit and I vividly remember attempting to sing praise songs to God, but would, very often, be unable because I could not control how hard I was crying. It was an incredibly hard time in my life and I am so thankful that God chose to remind me of it today so that I can be thankful for the fact that my biggest "gripe" right now is simply finances. It is sooooooo much more difficult to deal with spiritual and emotional darkness surrounding you than it is to deal with money matters. I cannot even begin to describe the whole situation, but I genuinely feared to raise a family among it. My heart wept for the kids in our youth group who knew church and the things of God to be nothing other than what was going on around them. I knew that God had called us there, but I knew I could not be there much longer. I have never begged God for anything more than to call us somewhere else. Now, I can't deny that God did some amazing things while we were there and He will even be able to use the experience later in our lives , just like He did today, making me thankful for where He has me now, causing me to praise Him for His steadfast love and grip on my life.

How Am I Going To Deal With Two?

Boston is absolutely the cutest kid I know -- he is hilarious and incredibly smart (some might say gifted), but he drives me insane sometimes. This week, for example, he has had 4 or 5 fairly serious falls already, which require me to 1)comfort him 2) calm him down 3) assess the injury accurately 4)"fix it" 5) answer questions about it the rest of the day -- all of this takes TIME. Not that I am super busy or anything, but how am I going to do this with 2 kids? It's already exhausting with one. No, I am not an insensitive mother who despises taking care of her child's "boo-boo's" -- I'm just making a point. The driving me crazy part is the real issue -- the constant fit throwing. Anytime, he does not get his way -- he whines and throws a fit. Thankfully, he doesn't really throw fits like the one I saw today at Target -- a kid about Boston's age was on the ground while the mom was checking out biting her ankles and screaming -- no joke! (I'm knocking on wood right now). Anyway, it is becoming increasingly clear to me that my days are going to be filled with constant injury prevention/care and fit throwing. Granted, I send him to his room each time a fit is decided to be thrown, but that wears on you too. Anyway, people survive much worse, so I'm not that worried about it -- just getting a glimpse into my future and not necessarily excited about it.
How often do we drive God crazy? We want him to effectively take care of us each time we fall and, just like Boston, we want him to take care of it exactly like we think He should take care of it or else we may just throw a fit! I don't think it's a good idea to compare myself to God because I do get tired of it and annoyed by it, but I dont' think He does, necessarily. His mercies are new every morning -- Hallelujah! And I'm whining about taking care of 2 and look at the millions He so delicately cares for!! God is awesome and I am glad to be His child!

I didn't vote!

That's right and I'm not even sure that I am registered to vote! I know, I know - some of you will feel compelled to yell at me and I am okay with that. Here's the thing -- what good does it really do? Texas ALWAYS ends up voting Republican, which is what I would have voted, so my vote would have done absolutely nothing. I'm not griping about the system, but I simply see no need for me to take the time when it honestly doesn't matter at all! Now, if I lived in a state where I thought I could try to make a difference, then my attitude would be different, but I don't, so I see no need. Now, I sometimes have the same attitude about prayer, but that doesn't mean I should quit praying, does it? There really is a mystery around prayer for me -- if God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - what does me praying FOR things do? I totally understand that it is important for me to have an intimate relationship with the Lord and have conversation with him and share things with him, but I am talking about the type of prayer where we ask God to change something like someones sickness or something like that (I can't think of anymore examples off the top of my head, but you know what I mean, right?). I mean, why do we pray for God's will to be done when we already know that it will? Anyway, it makes no sense I know, but sometimes I just don't understand why I should pray for certain things. All that to say, I still keep praying because even though I don't necessarily understand it, the Bible tells me to. I dont' think the same is true about voting - in certain elections, I really do not see the point for me to take the time to vote for the inevitable and the Bible is not clearly instructing me to do so, so I probably will continue to have this attitude!!

a "praise"

This isn't really spiritual, which is what I intended this blog to be about, but I can make it spiritual by calling it a "praise." I am, obviously, sort of making fun at the fact that we make things spiritual to make ourselves feel better - like calling gossip, prayer concerns. But, anyway - enough of that, this literally did make me praise God today. Actually, as I was writing that - I was kind of thinking - that's a lie because have I actually praised Him for it or was I just thinking it was a really cool thing that happened to me? Doesn't really matter because it is still today and I am praising Him for it now! Now it sounds like it is going to be this really awesome thing while it is actually something not all that huge - but here it is: I teach little kid gymnastic classes 3 nights a week at the rec center down the street from my house. Last week, I had an out of control 3-5 year old class and they did not get a stamp at the end of class!! This was a huge deal and there were tears (not mine, but a couple of the kids). I realize that I am probably a bit crankier these days due to the pregnancy, but it really was ridiculous AND this particular class has become increasingly more defiant and WILD over the weeks. So, last week was the end -- I had had enough. And on a side note, their parents are right there watching -- they are behind a half wall of glass, but they can hear and see everything that we do! I HATE disciplining their children right in front of them -- there have been several occassions when, if the roles were reversed, I would have come into the class, taken Boston out, and disciplined him myself. I was slow to say this sort of thing before I had kids, but I have one now, very close to the same age as these kids and I KNOW that I would not condone the sort of behavior that I am forced to put up with. End side note. A few of the parents were a little shocked at how blunt I was in saying - no stamps, see ya next week! I wasn't necessarily worried about the parents being mad at me, but definitely a bit concerned that they might be put off enought to not sign their kids back up next session, which would diminish my paycheck! Well, I am happy to report (here comes the praise part) that the entire class (minus one, but I know the mom and had already spoken with her about it, so I know she didn't leave the class because she was mad) was here tonight AND they were awesome!! They actually stood in line when I asked them to, which has never happened! They sat and waited their turn very well, which has never happened. They listened and did exactly what they were supposed to do! It totally validated my decision to NOT reward their behavior with a stamp last week! Isn't it crazy what power some ink and a little picture of a thumbs up have?