God knows what He's doing.

Isn't it comforting to know that He is in total control? He knew that we did not have maternity coverage when He decided to form a new life inside of me. He knew that I would try to be responsible and pre-pay at the hospital for a normal vaginal delivery even though this new life would actually come into this world via a very expensive c-section. He knew that I would need to formula feed rather than breastfeed, which is much more expensive. And, He knew that we would suddenly need a new dryer 2 weeks after previously mentioned new life came home! So, I could freak out and wonder how we would ever be able to pay for everything, but the truth is WE can't! So, what good does it do to worry about it? I'm just glad that this is not my home and all of these things are so trivial and unimportant and that God's got it under control. He knows what He's doing. He knows how it will all work out and I am content. PRAISE GOD!

Therapy

So, either no one reads my blog (most likely answer) or no one knows anything about prayer (also a possible answer). It is mysterious, isn't it? I ask Lance all the time when someone asks for our prayer -- "why should I pray for so and so to be healed?" His answer is usually - because God tells us to. Then my response is usually, well, I'm gonna pray that we be okay with whatever His will is -healing or no healing, to make us give Him glory either way. And he usually tells me --"that's fine." So, that is where I am in my prayer journey -- it's conversation with God, yielding to His authority and His will, and asking Him to make my heart match His. So, if answer #1 is the case, I'm going to keep blogging because it is quite therapeutic to get it all out, you know?


Anyway, here's a pic for those of you who like that sort of thing:

This is Dashel at 10 days old -- he went to the doc today for his state mandated newborn screening. It was terrible -- heel prick and 5 minutes of squeezing his blood from his heel - the government should be ashamed of itself for requiring such a thing! Anyway, he is 7lbs 11 oz (he was born 7 lbs 0 oz) and is 21 inches long (he was born 20 inches). His circumsision is healed and his belly button is looking good. So, now if he can just learn how to eat more when it is eat time so he isn't so hungry every 2 hours!!!

I am not being partial to Dash by only posting a pic of him - Boston is still with my mom in Shallowater, so no new pics - he will be there 9 more nights!

So, either no one reads my blog (most likely answer) or no one knows anything about prayer (also a possible answer). It is mysterious, isn't it? I ask Lance all the time when someone asks for our prayer -- "why should I pray for so and so to be healed?" His answer is usually - because God tells us to. Then my response is usually, well, I'm gonna pray that we be okay with whatever His will is -healing or no healing, to make us give Him glory either way. And he usually tells me --"that's fine." So, that is where I am in my prayer journey -- it's conversation with God, yielding to His authority and His will, and asking Him to make my heart match His. So, if answer #1 is the case, I'm going to keep blogging because it is quite therapeutic to get it all out, you know?

Anyway, here are some pics for those of you who like that sort of thing:

Prayer -- Give Me Your Thoughts!

I'd like to start off by saying that I do have a prayer life and I know what it is to talk to God.
BUT -- I have always struggled with why He has us pray FOR things, like healing or protection or things like that. I mean, in my mind, I feel like He already has a plan - He knows what is going to happen -- are we praying to change the heart of God, because that isn't really possible. I feel like prayer is commanded by God and is required for intimacy with Him and I am totally cool with that and love having conversation with God.
So, what I am asking for is this: Tell me what you have learned about/from prayer. Try and explain what it means to pray for others, for healing, FOR things. Tell me your thoughts on prayer.
Thanks!

Dashel Parker Dockrey...and his post-partum mother

I didn't really care to post unattractive hospital pics, so here is one of us leaving the hospital and one of Dash and big bro, Boston -- aren't they sweet? We are so, so thankful that my mom was able to stay with us all week - she cleaned and cooked AND (drumroll, please) - stayed in the bed in Dash's room and did ALL of the nightime feedings! She left today, which means, yes - our nights of peaceful sleep are over!!! But, it also means that Boston is gone -- she took him to her house until April 10!!! Can you believe it? This was the plan all along- although, Dash came a week early, so we didn't really expect him Boston to be gone for so long. It will be good, though, with the c-section recovery (another unexpected twist). Anyhow, we were also visited this week by my dad and step-mom (Papa and Gran) and Lance's Dad and step-mom (Jim Dad and Sherry) and no, I do not have any pictures to post -- so sorry, but we are glad they got to meet Dash. Lance's mom also came and visited while we were still in the hospital, so all of the grandparents have met their newest grandbaby!!
Now, on to the post-partum mother (it is my blog after all)! Here are the things I have been dealing with this past week:
1. worry (about myself as a mother, finances, the future, leaving Boston, etc...)
2. doubt (about myself as a mother and my ability to care for 2 kids, etc...)
3. jealousy (seeing other people in seemingly better situations, of moms who seem to have it together better than I do)
I realize that a lot of this stems from uncontrollable hormonal emotions at this point in my life, but it's still no fun to deal with and here is the Scripture I've found:
This one is kind of a stretch, but it makes sense to me: Galatians 5:16 -- "I say then: walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." We talked about the Holy Spirit in our youth Bible Study tonight and it is confusing to know what it means exactly to walk in the Spirit. But, it means to allow Him free reign each and every moment of every day -- allow the conviction, allow the comforting, allow the discernment, allow the prompting, allow the encouragement. This is a conscious effort that I need to be making and I KNOW that the worry and doubt and jealousy will subside.
The next: Philippians 4:6-7 -- "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and all the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." This one hit me like a ton of bricks -- I need for Him to guard my heart and mind, especially in this vulnerable state and this Scripture says that He absolutely will -- I just need to go to Him, not anxiously, but with thanksgiving - just go to Him. I love how comforting His Word is!
And for the last one: John 15:5 -- "...for apart from me you can do NOTHING." So, where did all 3 of these Scriptures lead me? Straight to Him. He wants intimacy with me. He wants for me to cast my cares upon Him. He wants to give me peace that surpasses all understanding. Hallelujah! Pray for me this week that I will be reminded to simply go to Him because apart from Him, I can't be the mom I need to be, I can't have financial peace or peace about the future. Apart from Him, jealousy creeps in and takes over! It is stinkin' hard to be a mom, but I'm so glad I don't have to do it alone!

What's Up With That? ... a Top 5 List

1. they send new mothers home with a prescription for narcotics to take care of a new baby ... what's up with that?
2. i intended for this blog to be somewhat of an online spiritual journal without it becoming an online photo gallery of my really cute kids and ramblings of pediatrician updates and what not - as if I could separate my spiritual life from my real life ... what's up with that?
3. a seemingly normal 3 year old with a very sweet temprament has a mother who births a new baby and he turns into a not-so-normal 3 year old with a not-so-sweet temprament who forgot how to act ... what's up with that?
4. some people have to deal with major surgery recovery with a new baby and a toddler without an awesome, self-sacrificing mother and wonderfully sensitive husband ... what's up with that?
5. innocently playing your favorite cell phone game while lying in bed when your bottom lip just starts to quiver causing an all-out cry session for no apparent reason ... WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

A Call to Die - week 2

Okay, so this week was about dealing with the "hard words" we sometimes have to hear from Jesus - like, get such and such out of your life or go do this incredibly hard thing that no one else would understand, and the like. We talked about how to deal with these hard words - 1)be receptive, 2)obey, 3)be thankful cuz He's only telling you cuz He loves you, and 4) be RUTHLESS in taking care of business! I desperately desire for Him to point out the CRAP in my life that I place before Him because I desperately want to follow Him with everything that I am. So, I ask these "young adults" to pray each day this last week for God to shine His light on anything or anyone that is occupying His place in their heart and then to write those things down so they can begin dealing with them. Did I do it? Of course not! So, then it comes time for me to prepare for the next lesson to, so inadequately, teach them and for me to blog about week 2 in this call to die and I've got nothin'! What is that all about? Why do I, essentialy, forget about Him on a daily basis? Why do I think so many other things are so much more important and worthy of my time? I blame the culture, I blame being a mother, I blame being pregnant, I blame being sick, I blame being pregnant (oh, did I already say that one?). And, although, those are all fairly valid excuses - it is really simply my decision to be selfish. I, consciously, decide to not seek after Him, to not read His Word to me, to not, genuinely, say "Yes, Lord" each and every morning. And, I'm done! I don't wanna be a poser (I initially wrote fake, but then decided to modernize the language a bit). I do love God and I want to fall deeper in love with Him. I want to be uncomfortable with the things of this world, even when that makes no sense to the people around me. I wanna follow Him and I, desperately, want for these "young adults" to experience Christ the way that I have so many times. Oh, how their lives would change. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to play a role in showing them who You are and how You have called them to die. I commit myself to death, today.

LOT's of Catching Up...

Okay, so when this blog was started, I guess I thought that I would have all kinds of insightful, witty things to post -- turns out, that's not really the case. I could blame it on the pregnancy, but then I would feel obligated to be insightful and witty again after the baby is born, so I guess the 2 of you out there who actually read this blog can just live with the fact that I will post my ramblings on my own time...
Couple of things to talk about today and I don't really know where to begin.
1. First of all, let's just say that God is so good. He is so faithful and so constant, you know? How refreshing is that in today's world. I've been dealing with a bit of family drama that I let stress me out more than it should have (to the point of making myself sick - although, that isn't really that hard to do these days) and when I finally decide to just let it go -- who is there, ready to comfort me and give me peace and help me back on track? He's ALWAYS there and I am so thankful for that!
2. Alright, time for a cool illustration that I saw this last week. It was boston's birthday on Friday and my mom, aka Gramma, decided to make the 9 hour drive down here to surpise boston for his birthday. So, boston and I were coming home from lunch on Friday and I told him that there might be a surprise there for him when we got there. I called my mom on the way home and she was probably about 20 minutes behind us. When we got to the house, I told boston to look around for his surprise because it could be anywhere! He wanted to call his dad and ask him if he knew where his "prize" was. Dad told him that maybe he should just go outside and wait for it to come. So, that is what we did. It was pretty cute. Anyway, my mom drove up and he was pretty surprised, but he just ran up to her door looking for his prize! We tried to explain to him that Gramma coming WAS the surprise and he was, by no means, disappointed in that, but it was as if he just couldn't really understand how a person could be a prize or surprise. So, the illustration here is probably pretty self-explanatory, but it is always cool when God paints a picture for you in real life situations. Why is it so hard for us to see God as a prize. Why do we always have to look for what He might give us or "provide us with?" He IS our prize and we should treat Him as such. All boston wants to do when Gramma is here is play with her and spend time with her -- why are we not that way with the most awesome "prize" ever? Why do we waste our time and our lives on CRAP? My goal, since, has been to view God as my prize -- someone I am able to spend time with and enjoy and learn from and grow in -- every single day! I don't have to look around the house for him, I don't have to guess what the prize could be, I don't have to wait for him -- he is here, waiting for me to enjoy him! Super Cool!
3. a call to die -- week one! We have started a new Bible study on Fridays at lunch with the young adults at our church ( we named it a young adults study in the beginning in hopes that lance and I might actually meet some friends our own age, but they are all college students, way younger than us -- such is the life)! It's a journey of fasting from the world and feasting on God (yes, I just described the book using the tag line on the cover). Anyway, we started last week and I just want to try and update about it each week. It might be really cool to look back on and see how God used this study in certain ways. I am pretty excited about. Okay, so the 1st week was from Matt 16:24 - If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. We had a really good discussion about how to actually do each of those things. One of the main things that stuck out to me was to stop feeding selfishness. How hard is that in todays society? But in order for me to say yes to following Christ, I've got to say No to my selfish desires. So, I have tried to be mindful of that this week. My goal is to wake up each morning, saying Yes to God -- whatever that might mean for that day. I feel as if I have this attitude a lot of the times anyway, but it is so powerful to verbally confess that to God each and every morning. I will also say that it kind of hard to not be selfish when you are 8 months pregnant and MISERABLE -- I just want to lay on the couch and do nothing all day because I'm so stinkin' uncomfortable and moody and experiencing pain in places that I should not be experiencing pain!!! Anyway, God is teaching me through all of this and like I said, I am excited to continue on with this study - with all the wonderful college kids! (you know I had to throw that in, just in case one of them reads this one day)!!!