Don't Waste Your Life

Passion

2011-04-05T16:13:00.005-05:00

Yes, I am going to blog about a conference I attended. I feel like it will help me organize, in my mind, ALL that God taught me, spoke to me, revealed to me AND I feel like it answers the call to Live Out Loud, to be real! It's DEFINITELY going to be a jumbled mess to you, my millions of readers, but oh well! I also think its cool to think about the fact that about 30,000 other students heard the same speakers and attended the same conference and could blog about totally different things that God spoke to their heart! I would never seek to glorify this conference or the speakers, but it is fitting, I think, to honor Passion and thank them for being obedient to their calling to make Jesus famous and share His love with college students! No, I'm not in college nor am I college age, but if I get enough college students together and talk them into paying the registration fee, they let me attend the conference as well!!! Anyway, I'm so blessed and so thankful that God showed up in my heart this weekend and now, I'll TRY to articulate some of that. So, here goes... First rattle out of the bag (I actually have no idea what that means, by the way), during our first worship time together on Friday evening, I was prompted to sit and write these words that we were singing and pray them over myself and the group... "Like a mighty wind, light the fire again, come and breathe your breath on me." The whole weekend, we were reminded over and over again, by whomever was on stage, that we are at the mercy of God, totally! He doesn't have to show up, reveal Himself to us, allow His Holy Spirit to fall on us, etc... So, it was good to be mindful of that and truly beg/ask for Him to fall fresh, to light the fire in our hearts, to breathe on us, and then be so incredibly thankful if/when He graces us with His presence. Then, Louie Giglio opened up Philippians and stopped after the first verse. No joke! All it says is, "Paul and Timothy, servants of Jesus Christ." This is how they introduced themselves, because this is WHO THEY WERE! So, the challenge was basically presented - who are you? Who/what are you serving? Then, a very CLEAR instruction for me, that repeated itself over the weekend, was spoken: The clarity of who Jesus Christ is should cause us to, 24/7, desire to serve Him. Have I lost that clarity? Why? Because there are obviously things hindering me from serving him 24/7, so where did that clarity go? Louie talked a lot more about freedom in Christ and to live is Christ and to die is gain and seeing Jesus in a real, revolutionary way. And I wrote it all down and I am sure that God will use it, because it was great and true, but I pretty much stopped at the clarity issue. That's where God was focusing my heart. From there, we went on to our community small groups and that is the thing that I shared. There are things making blurry the person of Jesus Christ in my life. My prayer was (and still is) to see Him more clearly, for exactly who He is. Day 2 began with Francis Chan speaking to the leaders. He was very passionate about what God had laid on his heart to share with us. He told a story about what someone had told him a few months ago -- Francis, I think God could use you, if you're willing to be lonely, willing to be misunderstood. -- WOW! How could Francis Chan be lonely and misunderstood? He may or may not be, but he has to be willing to. He has to be willing to stand alone amidst ALL of the false teaching out there. He has to be willing to go against the flow when seemingly Christian leaders start speaking incredible untruths (yes, it was obvious at this point who he was referring to)! I was SO glad to be hearing this, to see that God was so obviously putting these words in his mouth for the college and youth leaders at Passion to hear and understand! Not only does Francis Chan have to be willing to be lonely and misunderstood, but so do I. Being lonely for me may mean that I don't look like this world thinks I should look, I won't seek after the things the world (even the Christian world) thinks I should seek after, I won't back down when God is being misrepresented and or put down, I will know the truth and will proclaim it. I've got to quit trying to fit into the mold that Conservative Christian America has set up for me and quit trying to make people feel good or okay about their sin and speak truth! LIVE truth! He read 2 Timothy 4:1-5, which talks about false teachers teaching people what they want to hear, gaining popularity. Rebuke it! Teach the Word! There is a hell, he said! There is one way and the Bible is very clear about that! Decide, right now, are you willing to be lonely when you stand up against whats popular, for Truth?! Then, for me, the clarity part came in again -- we broke into small groups and read Philippians 2:5-11. "Let our gaze fill up on the greatness and glory of Jesus." If I were to truly do that, gaze on Him, make the mindset of Jesus be my life, not the supermom down the street, not the put-together ministers wife, not the rockin' body personal trainer, but JESUS, the clarity of who He is would take over, would be in control and I would speak up, I wouldn't care how lonely I was!! Carol, make the clear picture that Scripture presents of who Jesus is, the measure of my life, not anything else! And when the person of Christ is clear, the Truth of Him and His Word will be what I proclaim!! Francis also spoke about how simple God's Word really is. We keep trying to read all of these things into it, to make it more complex, to make it fit into today's society, but I was very convicted when he said -- just read it, for what it is, for the simplicity and CLARITY of it! This was convicting, yet comforting. Just read God's Word and allow Him to reveal Himself to me through it. I don't have to keep up with the latest theology or what so-and-so thinks this portion of Scripture says or the latest trend in teaching a certain area of Scripture -- just read it and seek JESUS!! So, that led right into Francis Chan's next large group session -- Philippians 1:27-28. "Live your life in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." Who Christ is has got be clear to me first, before I'm able to measure myself up against who He is. I've got to know the gospel and love it before I can try and defend a life worthy of it. READ HIS BOOK! Quit getting sucked in, quit being frightened, just live for the gospel that you love - even when its in direct opposition to our culture's norm! Then, during that worship time, God spoke once again through the lyrics that we were singing. It was as if He was saying -- this is the simplicity of Christ, this is what you're living for, this is what needs to be clear: "Christ has died, Christ has risen, Christ is coming again." We sang that over and over again and it is so simple, so clear. That's the gospel. Then, we had an afternoon session devoted to hearing testimony from some people who had been serving overseas in Africa, with an unreached people group. Look at these statistics: - There are 6,872 unreached people groups in the world - That's 2.8 billion people who live with less than 2% of Christians in their particular people group and most don't even have the Word of God in their own language. - That's 40% of our world!!!! Those of you who know me know where this is going -- God just reaffirmed, once again, in my heart, that He has called me to take His Word to these people in some form, at some time. It was as if He was saying - your calling to full-time mission work hasn't just gone away, and it won't!! Then, John Piper. His life message is that God deserves glory and that glory comes when we rest in Him and enjoy Him and are satisfied in Him. Today's message was that we would enjoy being made much of by God, because in doing, we are make making much of God our supreme treasure. I'm not even going to try and explain this, but essentially, it boiled down to making all the we do, all of our joy, be founded in Christ. When my joy ends with me or is selfish, it's unsatisfying. But, when my joy is based on the person of Christ, it's all satisfying! Then, we were asked to leave that session in silence as we walked to our small group time. Lance and I were separated, so I was just walking by myself (our community group was about 3 blocks away). I was prayerful during this time, but didn't necessarily feel like God was doing this overwhelming work in my heart at that particular time. Well, earlier in the day, I thought that I had seen someone from college that I knew and my initial reaction was to run and hug them. It wasn't someone I knew, though, so I refrained from the running and the hugging. But, I think what was going on in my heart was this: Since we've moved away from our home 3 1/2 yrs ago, we've been forced into a totally different culture, essentially. I know that sounds weird, because we're still in TX and we're still in a Southern Baptist church even. It's very hard to explain, but the mindset is absolutely different and I fight against becoming someone I'm not, every day. It may just be that we're no longer in small town West Texas, but everything is so busy and so filled with "stuff" and the pressure to fit into that and to look a certain way and have certain friends and be at a certain status is, sometimes, overwhelming. So, I definitely feel lonely sometimes, like I'm trying to not let the world around me change who I am. I was sort of longing for someone who knew ME, who was around when God was forming me into who I am, and that's why I felt the urge to hug that friend from college. Anyway, all of that say, that God knows what we need and He knows how to provide. As we were walking in silence, I look to my left and there was Reggie Franklin, a guy who I grew up looking up to. I'm not going to disclose exactly how much older than me he is, but he was like in High School when I was a little kid. He was there when God called me unto Himself and I accepted Christ as my Savior. He knew ME for ME and loved me and I just walked right over to him and we hugged and God knew it was what I needed at that very moment. I tried to explain all of this to my small group, but I don't think it was very understandable. Could've been that I was also crying while trying to explain? Then, as if that were not enough already, John Piper spoke again to our group of leaders on the last morning and it was crazy awesome! It was extremely practical and full. He was just laying it out there, as if directly from the Lord to us. I loved it. And it was all about His Word and knowing it, because how much more clear is Christ going to become?! He said that hearing from the Lord comes from reading His Word. He gave several reasons why we should know God's Word (and when I say know, I mean KNOW, like from memory). A couple of the reasons really stuck out to me -- 1) because it is our sword and how we fight temptation and sin -- this is so clear in the Bible and so true!, 2) it's how we bring Christ to to others in situations where they need to see Him. He shared a story about his first year as a pastor, visiting a family in the hospital and they asked him for a Word from God and he went blank. He went home and promised that that would NEVER happen again, and he memorized a Psalm that could help someone in just about any situation they were in. I love that. That is exactly who God has called us to be. It's so clear. It's so simple. Know His Word -- to fight temptation and sin and to love the people around us, and to see Christ more clearly! That's a lot, and I could keep typing, but I doubt if anyone is even still reading!? It definitely hits some of the high points for me. There may be more to come? Promise to post pics of cute kids in the near future!

Totally Worth It!

2011-03-10T11:56:00.002-06:00

Couple of things ...
1. Joy erupted in my heart on Sunday morning. I don't really know what it's like to have career aspirations or seek a job/career for how much money it will make for me. From a very young age, I've just felt His calling on my life for actual vocational ministry. Don't get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with pursuing the career that God has called you to, even if that career makes you lots of money. He needs disciples in all areas of life. He just hasn't called me to be a millionaire! Anyway, all of that to say, there are moments, and there have been a handful of them, when God just hits me with overwhelming joy for the work He's called me to. It brings me to tears every single time and I just praise Him for using me to further His Kingdom. So, it happened this Sunday - it's when you see students whom you've invested your all into, choose Him, on their own. You see them seeking Him with their whole heart. They abandon the things of this world for intimacy with Christ. You witness them being obedient in the hard things and it just makes it all worth it. I will be poor (financially) for the rest of my life if it means that God can continue using me to move students closer to falling deeply in love with Him. Don't get me wrong, I am, in no way, taking any type of credit for students choosing Christ. They do that by the grace of God and their own free will. I'm just overjoyed to be giving my life and my time and energy and my resources to give them every opportunity to make those right choices. I just love it!
2. I can not, for the life of me, seek God enough to find the answer to what will be totally worth it in the life of mr. boston. He wants to spend as much time as possible with his mom and dad, which I love. I want for his innocence to be protected and for his little mind and heart to stay open and free. He needs the interaction of children his own age, I think. I think he would enjoy the structure of a classroom. He needs to learn to be a light in the midst of darkness, even if that's not always easy. But, when's the right time to set him loose in the big world? Is it age 5, kindergarten, because thats what the US Govt and society say? I know, I know, I just need to seek the Lord and trust that His answer will come at the right time. Until then...?!?!?!?
3. I don't have a #3, but it didn't look right to make a whole post with only 2 points, so I'll just use this post to say that Boston has been playing soccer and loves it. Dash has hand foot mouth disease at this very moment, but it has got to be the mildest case in history, because he does not act bothered by it in the slightest. Lance is doing an awesome job at the church and enjoying it more and more everyday, I think. I am still coaching cheer, personal training, and teaching gymnastics -- I would have NEVER thought those things would be in my job title, but God knows what He's doing and prepared me for each of them in an incredible way along the way.

...and that's all folks! (no pics, sorry)!

Too Much!

2011-01-27T14:17:00.004-06:00

To begin... these kids are TOO MUCH, aren't they?!
I can't help how cute they are - that's just the way they are!
And yes, we absolutely have 1 of each (1 lance and 1 carol) - it's really funny!

And now for the blogging,

There's just too much. I mean, what did I expect after taking a 5 month blogging hiatus?! Well, here's the thing. I get so much joy and conviction and wisdom and insight and pleasure from reading other people's blogs. I'm not going to claim to be able to provide any of that for the 2 people reading this (whoever you - my mom and sister most likely), but I just want to be obedient to God impressing upon my heart to be more real, to be open about who I am and my walk with Him. I have several 'friends' who inspire me when I see their lives lived out on their blog or facebook or whatever, to be more of who God wants me to be. So, here it goes.

Well, since I last blogged:

- we've moved out to Montgomery, TX (about 10 minutes from where we lived in Conroe, TX)

- I've become a cheer coach and part-time PE Teacher at a Christian School

- I've quit my job as a PE Teacher! (more about that in a bit)

- I've traveled to the Rose Parade in Pasadena with a dear friend, her mother-in-law, and Mr. Boston

- I've probably gained about 10 pounds (not a good thing for someone trying to sell herself as a trainer!)

- Lance has gone full-time at the Church

- I'm sure there is a ton more, but that's a bit of it anyway!

Here's what God is teaching me now --

In August, I started teaching PE at a Christian School, after already taking a job as their Varsity Cheer Coach. I was reluctant to do the PE as well, but it was very part time and they needed someone, so I agreed. It did not take long at all for me to realize that it was a career choice that I could definitely see myself enjoying but not right now. I still needed to be home with my kids! Financially speaking, it was not/is not easy to give up a paycheck to stay at home with your kids for free! But, it was very clear to me that it was where I needed to be. I do not doubt, however, that God uses our circumstances to teach us things. As I stay home full time once again, I am more THANKFUL to be here, to be the one loving on and teaching my kids; I don't long to be somewhere else. Does that make sense?

In November, my family lost a cousin, DPS Trooper Jonathan McDonald, who was in a car accident on his way to a call. He has a young wife and 6 month old baby at home. It was incredibly humbling and gut-wrenching to think of how their life is changed forever. Being there for the grieving with my family and funeral and burial, seeing how hundreds were coming to honor my cousin, it caused me to wonder what exactly people would have to say about me if I were to die tomorrow. Am I loving at all costs? Am I giving and serving and selfless? Do people see Jesus in me, without question?! What needs to change in my life in order for Him to be glorified?!

In December, a friend from college died in a car accident, leaving 2 small children, a husband, and a newborn they had to deliver via c-section before she died! My friend http://walkingfree.blogspot.com/ (Melissa) is keeping everyone updated on the status and you can find links to more info there. But, God is just opening my eyes as I follow this story, convicting me of how much time and energy I waste on things that are of absolutely no importance. I have precious time to invest in the lives of my children, to invest in the lives of those around me, to invest in my own relationship with the Lord, to be about seeing Him glorified in all that I do and say, and I choose to be lazy or selfish instead! Brie was doing all of those things, being the woman God called her to be and now her children and husband will live the rest of their lives without her. She didn't waste the time that she had. I've been really convicted lately to do the same. My friend, Melissa, who was very close friends with Brie, is loving on Brie's family, serving them, and being a prayer warrior 24/7. She's inspired me to be that kind of friend, to be that kind of person, to raise my children to trust in the Lord like that.

January -- here we are, 2011! I pray for my position as a Cheer Coach, as a Gymnastics Teacher, as a Personal Trainer - to be who God wants me to be to the people I encoutner in those positions. I pray fervently for my children. I want them to know Jesus so intimately. I want them to glorify Him with their lives. I pray that I can be the mother that they need to be that will show them the love of Christ. I pray for my church and where it's headed and my place in it. I pray for my friends, old ones, new ones, close ones, distant ones, that God would work miracles in their lives, that they would see His love clearly. I pray for the students in our ministry, that we could lead thim into a deep, intimate relationship with Christ, that we could show them what that looks like, that they would fall in love with Him! I pray for my extended family, their families, their witness, their circustamnces, and my relationship with them. I pray for my marriage, that it would bring glory to Him, that we would daily partner together to be whoever He wants us to be, wherever He wants us to be.

So, that's that. Maybe I'll blog again in the next few weeks. I love to see God at work and I hope to be able to share some of that with you through this site.

Hot Lava Sorry

2010-08-01T13:48:00.002-05:00

i thought this little story was blog worthy:
So, we've been helping out at our church's youth camp all week. It was an outdoor camp this year for the first time, which was really cool. A family in our church lives out on a big ranch about 25 minutes from town and hosted us for the week. The kids slept in big huge tents and everything was, well, outdoors! I had no other choice but to take my 2 sweet children out there with me each day if I wanted to take part in the camp. So, on Wednesday, Boston spent practically the entire day in the pool. He got in at about 10:30 am, got out for lunch, then right back in, then out for crafts, right back in, then out for dinner, right back in, and finally out for good around 7:30pm! No joke. Luckily, the pool was located in the center of 'camp' so someone always had a close eye on him, but he was in his swimsuit ALL DAY LONG! Naturally, he began to complain of some pain inbetween his legs where his wet suit had rubbed him a little bit raw. He fell asleep in the car on the way home (seeing as how it was 11pm - I'm a terrible mom, I know) but when we did arrive home, I decided to put some cream on his legs. He was half asleep standing in the middle of the bathroom. I have the cream on my finger, I move towards the affected area to apply the cream when all of a sudden, my sweet groggy little 4 year old boy tee-tees right in my face! I yell "NO!" He immediately perks up, realizes what he's done, and begins apologizing like this:
"Oh mom, I'm so sorry, real sorry, like Hot Lava sorry!"
How can you not laugh at that?! Needless to say, he did not get into trouble - we applied the cream and went to bed!
Hilarious.

Emerging, Emergent - Whatever.

2010-04-16T17:20:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I've had a bad taste in my mouth for this whole movement of emerging or emergent churches. I can't remember if I've blogged about it before or not, so sorry if I have. Apparently I should not interchange the names emerging and emergent, because emerging simply describes a style or philosophy that a church can take on while emergent is actually a church that has joined some association called the Emergent Church. Whatever! This is a Carol Dockrey definition, but here's what it boils down to, in my opinion: an emerging/emergent church is a church or a group of christians doing all that they can to be "relevant" to the world around them so that they are attracted to Jesus Christ (i can feel the hate mail from those associated with this style or philosophy, explaining to me how wrong I am, but oh well). It's like they sort of go to the extreme to prove that they are not simply traditional religious folk, but that they have a relationship with Jesus Christ and can basically, live like the rest of the world, and then they hope that this type of life looks appealing to those who don't yet know Christ. That's my opinion of what it's all about anyway.
So, what happened to simply preaching the Word of God and allowing people to be attracted to that? What happened to simply living like Christ (loving unconditionally) and allowing Him to draw people unto Himself? IJS!
Here's the thing - I've recently seen an overall lack of "awe" (for lack of a better word) for God's Word among His children. What am I doing to cause this? How is my life not exuding the importance of knowing God more intimately through His Word? It grieves my soul! So, what am I gonna do about it?! I care absolutely nothing about being "relevant" if it means that God's Word takes a back seat. I don't think that God's Word calls us to live like the rest of the World. We've got to trust that He is powerful enough to draw people unto Himself when we are obedient to surrender to the leadership and guidance of the Holy Spirit, NOT the leadership and guidance of this world and this evil culture!!!

----stepping off soap box now.

Warm Weather -- YESS!!!!

2010-03-15T17:45:00.004-05:00

We got to go to the rodeo (thanks JimDad and Sherry), fly kites, and play in the sprinkler the last few days! During this time, Dash endured and recovered from a stomach bug that was not cool! Seems to be doing much better though, so all is well at the Dockrey house (especially since we can play outside finally!!).

A cool head shot of the Boss Man

Brothers playin' in the water -- it took Dash a while to warm up to water splashing on him from all directions

Let me at it...

Muscle Man

Cheese, sort of

I'm gonna play with the balls for a while

Riding the scooter through the sprinkler

funny pic

full of wonder

climbing up the play place at the park

weeeeee

brother climbs up like this, why can't i make it to the top?

cheese again

flying kites with dad

not a lotta wind, so we had to run a little to keep the kites in the air

sliding

more wonder

so funny

our champion mutton' buster!!! (a champion in our hearts anyway -- he actually fell off in about 2 seconds - ha)

chillin' indoors at the rodeo

We have pictures, people!

2010-03-10T11:05:00.005-06:00

All pics are courtesy of lance's iphone, which means they aren't the best quality, but they could be worse! Our camera just doesn't seem to be working much lately, which stinks because it's only a couple of years old, but what can ya do?!

So, we will begin with the Joint Birthday Party we had this last weekend! All year long (literally) Boston has been asking for a moonwalk jump castle for his birthday party, so that is what he got! He picked a Clifford the Big Red Dog one and we had an instant party theme! We celebrated both the boys birthday at the same time and had a blast!

Miss Madison

Dash chowing down on his cake - he loved it

Dash after the pinata candy fell

Julian got a sucker!

A mad dash for the candy

Dash's turn to swing the bat - he's a natural!

This is boston swinging on the rope through the bubbles!

The coloring table

Brinley having a blast bouncing

Dash loved jumping in Clifford

Brothers at their party!

Now, just some random pictures from the last few months:

Check out Dash's hair -- it's really getting long and he is really eating well!

self explanatory I think

My boys hanging out on the dock

Trying on Mr Kent's glasses - He's so intellectual

Boston with his fake stache

This is my tongue

A result of Boston dressing himself one day -- very color coordinated and SUPER cool!

This was around Christmastime, but I just like the pic

And drumroll please...... the only pic we have from the Austin Marathon! This was Lance's view from the start line (yes, he ran with his iphone). I started about 10 minutes behind him - ha! And we both finished in decent times (lance's a bit more decent than mine). He finished the full marathon (26.2 miles) in 3 hours and 55 minutes while I finished the half-marathon (13.1 miles) in 2 hours and 43 minutes. It was pretty cool and yes, we plan to do it again!

FREEDOM!!!

2010-03-08T11:24:00.002-06:00

As I was writing that title, I was picturing Mel Gibson with his face painted blue running into battle - but that's not necessarily the direction I was hoping to go with this post.
So, we were in church yesterday singing. I could attempt to guess at the name of the song that we were singing, but I would most likely be wrong and that's got to be some sort of cardinal sin as the worship pastors wife, so I'll just leave it at -"we were singing." Has it ever happened to you where you're listening to scripture read that you've heard a million times or singing a song that you've sung/heard tons of times and something new just jumps out at you? It's the coolest thing - I love it when that happens. I know that it is the Holy Spirit at work, which is one of the reason's it's so cool when it happens. So, that happened to me yesterday while singing aforementioned song. The line was: Jesus, come make us a free generation spreading salvation, freedom is ours, we take it up... Here's what hit me: we're asking Jesus to come make us a free generation, and then the very next line is 'spreading salvation.' This is totally elementary, I realize, but that's why we're free -- in order to spread the good news. We're not free so we can just praise God that we're not going to hell. We're not free so that we won't be bound to sin anymore. We're not free so we can live at peace. We're free to speak up for him, live for him, love for him!!
So then when I got home, I looked up the definiton of freedom: the condition of being free, the power to act or speak or think without externally imposed restraints! PRAISE GOD! That's why I plead with Jesus to make us a free generation. That's why freedom is ours and I proclaim that I'm gonna take it up!!! It's all about Him!!!

Dear Boston

2010-03-04T23:34:00.004-06:00

Dear Boston,
Thank you so much for being the best big brother in the world.
You share you string cheese with me even when mom doesn't ask you to.
You let me watch Praise Baby before your DVD of choice everyday.
You're constantly telling me how much you love me and smiling at me and chatting with me.
Thank you for teaching me how to play cars with you - I love it!
Thanks for handing me stuff in the car that mom hands to you to hand to me so I'll be happy.
Basically, thanks for trying to make me happy all day long. You really are the best.
I'm sorry that sometimes I get in your way when you're playing MarioKart. I'm sorry that sometimes mom and dad are so tired from taking care of me that they don't play with you as much as they used to. I'm sorry that I poke you in the eye sometimes - I really don't mean to. Oh, and sorry for breaking your cool lego creations.
I love you,
Dash

I'm pretty sure that's what Dash would say to Boston if he knew how. Boston truly is a super big brother to Dash. I'm incredibly blessed, I know. Boston tells me daily how much he loves his baby brother!

I was trying to withhold on posting until I had some pictures to include, but God laid this on my heart tonight and I just wanted to write it down so I wouldn't forget it! (when I say "write it down," I really mean type it on my blog for the world to view)

Baby Steps

2010-02-03T14:08:00.006-06:00

Baby Steps to an updated blog...

Here is a family Fall Festival Picture (yes, I realize it is closer to Spring than Fall)

Aladdin and Aboo
Boston in the Homecoming Parade with his friend, Helen (and the rest of the Girls Varsity Basketball Team -ha)

Here we are at Christmas:

These Christmas pictures are kind of backwards - sorry, but here is Dash's Christmas morning loot:

Boston's Christmas morning loot:

Boston super excited about presents with his name on them!

Boston and Dash in Christmas PJ's

Zack helping Boston put the ornaments on the tree

This is how excited Zack is about putting up the tree!

This is how excited Lance and Carol are to be putting up the tree.

This is how excited Lauren is to be helping put up the tree.

And this is how super excited Boston is to be putting up the Christmas tree - it's all worth it!

Now, this is the total opposite of a baby step - this is like a huge monster step up in the world: Watching the Houston Rockets Game from a suite with free food and drinks! WOW! It really was awesome. Thanks Ryan and Deminy for the invite!

And a drumroll please for the greatest Baby Steps of all -- a baby actually taking some of his very first steps!!!

This first video is a little dark and Dan Zane's House Party is playing in the background. I wasn't necessarily prepared and ready for a recording, but he was just taking off, so I quickly grabbed the camera.

And this 2nd video is Boston and I attempting to have him walk, which never works out quite like you anticipated, but you get the idea anyway:

I deleted my facebook

2010-01-08T15:13:00.002-06:00

well actually I deactivated it - it was the only option i saw. i couldn't really find how to delete it altogether.
i didn't make some new years resolution or anything like that - God just opened my eyes to what it was doing in my life. i'm not saying that facebook is bad. i thought it was rather cool to keep up with old friends and maybe i will be able to use it as a means to do that again one day. but it just hasn't been a healthy thing for me to pursue lately. here's what i mean: i've always considered myself to be fairly self-confident. in fact, lack of self confidence in people kind of gets under my skin a little bit. i don't necessarily feel like i don't have self-confidence anymore, but I just realized that I had started to become increasingly more and more envious of other people, their lives, their things, etc... I found myself wanting to be other people and that mostly stemmed from seeing their lives played out on facebook or their blog. I am obviously continuing to blog, but I am limiting my blog stalking to friends and family. that's right - i was hopping over to other people's blogs that I didn't even know and becoming jealous of who they were and what they had and the life that they led. God awakened me to the fact that I am living the life that He has laid out for me - not because He loves me less and wants me to have less cool things or be less "put together" than these other people, but because it's the life He's called me to. He gave me these children, He gave me the means with wich to have an income, He placed the calling on our lives to minister to students and young people and families, He has given me a heart for missions and evangelism - He's Given Me THIS life!!! He's created me to be the person He wants me to be. As I slowly began to desire what other people had, it caused me to slowly doubt who I was and that is NOT a good place to be! This is really going to seem silly, but it makes perfect sense in my head: I was driving (cuz I've been doing a LOT of that in the past week) and I looked down at my sport watch that I always wear and the conference band turned inside out from the conference I had just attended. It was turned inside out because on the inside of the band was written this scripture: Isaiah 26:8 - Yes, Lord, walking in the way of your truth, we wait eagerly for you, for your name and renown are the desire of our souls. As I glanced over at it, I thought - I guess I better take that off soon because it's not going to look 'cute' when I try to dress 'cute' with jewelry and such. WHAT? I don't even really ever wear jewelry. I rarely take off the Timex Ironman sport watch -BUT the fact that my timex ironman wasn't so 'cute' was an idea that had been forming in my head over the last few months. The fact that I needed to wear jewelry and take off my sport watch because the ladie's on my facebook or the blogs I had been stalking dressed all cute most of the time and had cute jewelry and what not. Those things are fine, I suppose, if that's who you are but it isn't who I am and I have never been that person except for when I start to feel insecure and think that I need the life that someone else leads! Does that make any sense at all? God hit me right then and there and said - BE who you are! Quit pretending and trying so hard to be someone else. I love you. I made you. I want to you quit spending time on meaningless envy so that I can be glorified through you! He can't even use me when my heart is so filthy!
So, all of that to say - bye bye facebook and blog stalking! I'm ready to use my time more wisely and allow my focus to be on becoming who He wants me to be instead of seeking after what everyone else is and has.

Priorities

2009-12-05T22:04:00.004-06:00

So, it has become evident that blogging is not one of my priorities. I only wish that were actually true -- I should rephrase that to say that keeping up with my own blog is not a priority, but I LOVE checking up on other people's blogs! I guess I just don't think I'm insightful enough to post my thougths on the world wide web, or clever enough to heighten anyone's intellect, or funny enough to be, well, funny. So, I form perfect blog posts in my mind while going about my day only to realize that they are really only as perfect as my loud singing in the car by myself with the music blaring (i.e. NOT perfect at all -ha)! Well, here's the going on's at the Dockrey house regardless:

Lance and I are both training for the Austin Marathon on Valentine's Day! How romantic, huh?! You would think this would be a fun activity for us to partake in together, but really it's not. Not that it isn't fun - it's just not something we get to do together. We have an AWESOME jogging stroller that we used practically everyday with Boston, so we got a double jogging stroller when Dash was born and it's just not as AWESOME. (I hope none of my baby shower hostesses read this because it was their gift to me). It's not a bad stroller - just not real great for running long distances, plus you have the weight of 2 children in there now. All of that to say - we don't ever really get to run together. But even if we do - Lance's pace is 8 1/2 minute miles and mine is closer to 9 1/2. It will be a fun weekend in Austin though, so I'm looking forward to that!

Lance is still working 3 part time jobs while I have 2. It totally works for us, though. We make about what an average one income household would make and we both get to be at home quite a bit during the day with our boys and do the work that God called us here to Conroe to do. He knows what He is doing!

Boston is pushing the envelope as far as obedience and fit throwing are concerned and we have really had to be purposeful in dealing with it. It's not going to just go away if we ignore it, you know. He can be really really sweet. He is incredibly smart (I'm not just saying that because I'm his mother -- I take no credit whatsoever - he knows stuff that I certainly did not teach him). He's really just lacking in the getting along with other kids and sometimes adults area. He's got a terrible temper - if something doesn't go the way he thinks it should, he is just set off into full fit mode. He'll throw things, hit people, push people, and try with all his might to see through with whatever he thought should happen. Anyway, I probably made it sound more terrible than it actually is, but I just want to be careful to take care of this sort of behavior now before it is really out of hand.

Dash is HUGE! Literally. I think he is probably pretty close to walking. He's been crawling for a couple of months and pulling to stand about that same amount of time. He's "crusing" around the furniture and standing on his own for longer and longer periods of time. I wonder if he will walk by the first of the year?

As for the title of the post: Priorities - we don't have television at home, so that has definitely helped with me not wasting time in that area (although we still watch movies, but more in the evenings, togehter, rather than a constant distraction all throughout the day). I waste WAY too much time on the computer, so I would like to strive to get out of that habit and push more important priorities to the top of the list (like housework and things of the like). I've really been trying to be missionally minded and it's something that God has laid on my heart for a long time, but I want to see us doing more tangible things as a family and not shield Boston from the social injustices in this world and teach him about our job as followers of Christ to be His hands and feet. I've really been trying to push Santa OUT of boston's mind and teach him that Christmas is Jesus' birthday and that is why we celebrate. We've been talking about what we could get Jesus for his birthday, so we've been looking into some tangible things we can do on Christmas Day to further make this point in his little 3 year old brain! He just doesn't believe me when I tell him that Santa is not real - it's a funny thing to argue with him about because I can tell how influenced he already is by the world around him. Anyway, hopefully I will do a better job of updating, but don't hold your breath!

PICS

2009-09-18T21:56:00.005-05:00

Here's a couple of cool pics of Lance leading worship

Dash and Boston with semi- matching hats before church one day: Dash playing in the exersaucer

again...

Boston receiving his award at Soccer Camp

Dash with his cool hat on (and yes, a bib cuz he SPITS UP like his crazy brother did)

Again with the hats - boston's trying to tell dash where to look (we never got a good one, but o well)

Boston at soccer camp (it was crazy day, hence the mickey mouse ears and different shoes)

Boston playing in the fountains

Boston at Soccer Camp Day 1 - he's so cool

Fathers Day (you can't see them here, but they are wearing matching shirts that say: My Dad Rocks! They were a gift at my baby shower and they fit at the perfect time)!

God is Just So Faithful!

2009-09-18T09:11:00.003-05:00

He proves Himself over and over, doesn't he? So, I don't know why we get so surpised when He does cool stuff, but we do! I've got 2 stories to tell today and they BOTH prove how awesome God as!
Story #1:
We were hooked up to the LiveLink for Passion 2010 at my church, because we are planning to take some college students and high school seniors. It was awesome, of course! But, what was really cool was this: Louie told a story about how he had blogged about the upcoming link and had, like 4 comments, which was a pretty normal number for him (makes me not feel so bad) and one of the comments was from this girl, named Haley, who said she would be watching from _________ (insert African country name that I forgot). Louie proceeded to research this African country and found out who this girl really was and realized that she was in this country by herself, bringing Jesus Christ to these people who were, like 99% muslim. So, his next blog explained some of this and said that 10,000 people would be praying for her and her work in this African country (story would be MUCH cooler if I could remember the name, huh?). Come to find out, the very day of the LiveLink, Haley's mother died! And God had already prepared tens of thousands of people to pray for her!! WOW -- he knows what we need and when we need him! When your mom dies and your're in a far away African country, you need a little prayer, don't ya?! Well, God had already taken care of that! AWESOME!!!

Story #2 -
I may should have started with this one, cuz the other one is just so stinkin' cool, that I hope you also think this one is cool!? Anyway, God had placed it on my heart, back in the summer, to have a Senior Bible Study (clarification: not senior adults, but Seniors in High School -ha). I thought about it and one morning a week is what sounded the best, because they are all just so busy everyday after school, with various things. Anyway, did I trust God and obey? No, I doubted that He had asked me to do this and decided that none of them would want to wake up early in the morning (and I mean EARLY - they have to be at school at 7:17) to have Bible Study. So, I never said anything about it, just secretly thought that it would be cool. How lame am I? Anyway, last week at XP (our wed night student Bible Study), we had 20 seniors there and some of them approached me and expressed interest in doing a Bible Study outside of that one time a week, maybe some morning. I said, OK! Sounds GREAT! I had been thinking about this! So, we set it up and yesterday morning was our first morning and 14 of them came!!! God is so faithful -- His purposes WILL be accomplished, even when we fail to trust Him like we should!!

So, for those of you who just want a kid update: they're great! Dash is growing like a weed - he is defintely working on a tooth (I can feel it under the gum) and he loves to sit in his highchair and eat frozen green beans, saltine crackers, or baby teething cookies. He is crawling -- it just happens to be backwards at the moment -- he's working on it, though! AND the separation anxiety just started - I thought he was way too young for this, but it has begun! And Boston is also growing -- all of his pants are too short! I feel, with Lance being his dad, that this will be a lifelong issue! GREAT! And he is slowly learning that it is NOT okay to throw fits when he doesnt' get his way! And he loves memorizing Scripture, so that's really cool. He's already hidden away 4 verses since the end of summer! Way Cool!

THE END!

It Makes Sense

2009-09-08T06:33:00.003-05:00

Boston doesn't like to spend time in the bathroom by himself -- #1 is fine, he's in and out, but #2 is a different story. I'm pretty sure I've posted about his bathroom habits before, so I apologize. Anyway, he always wants someone to be there, ready to help him wipe, but it always takes FOREVER to get to the wiping stage. So, this is what happened Saturday:
Gramma got to be the one spending the precious bathroom time with him:
Gramma: man, boston, you stink!
Boston: ya, if I flushed right now, it would be called a courtesy flush.
Gramma: (hysterical laughing)
Boston: well, it makes sense.

Yes, boston is 3 years old and he was explaining the courtesy flush to his gramma! Hilarous!

carol is...struggling...

2009-08-29T23:18:00.003-05:00

I feel like I'm struggling to:
- make God known in my life
- prioritize my life in a biblical manner
- put off the sinful nature
- grasp the breadth of His love
- live surrendered to the Holy Spirit's guidance
- not be conformed to the pattern of this world
- be transformed by the renewing of my mind
- keep my house clean (what? cleanliness is next to godliness, right?!)
- be the prayer warrior that my boys need me to be, that my church needs me to be, that my extended family needs me to be, that my friends who don't know Him need me to be!
- love people the way He has called us to love
- serve others
- be the example of a christian hedonist
- only allow edifying words to proceed out of my mouth!
- make biblical spiritual disciplines my goal, my priority
- be in this world, but not of it
- remember that my life is not my own
- remember that my children are not my own - they are His
- bathe all things in prayer
- not be hypocritical

i know that i have this massive blogger following of people who simply don't leave comments (ha - jk)! but, seriously, if you are reading this, I ask for your prayer. this is like an online journal for me and the plus side is that someone reading this can approach the Lord on my behalf -- AWESOME! allow me to do the same for you if you feel like you are struggling in any way!
p.s. i don't want this post to sound discouraging -- I rejoice in these struggles! i'm so thankful that the Holy Spirit is bringing them to my attention and that He desires to help me turn them into the person He wants for me to be! I serve a great big God and I'm so glad to be His child. I just don't want to waste my life on all of these meaningless things and miss bringing Him the glory He deserves!

Colossians 2

2009-08-23T00:19:00.000-05:00

Read it.
Study it.
Give me your thoughts/insights.
Ready, Set, Go.

I'm a Terrible Blogger!

2009-08-18T20:43:00.003-05:00

I LOVE reading other people's blogs and keeping up with their lives, yet I am the absolute worst at keeping up with my own blog. Ya, well - what can I say?!
So, for an update:
Dash is growing quite quickly, which makes his mother very happy -- I'm not a huge fan of the infant stage and I'm pretty sure I am much more pleasant to be around once that stage is over! He REALLY wants to get places, but he just can't do it on his own yet. He absolutely LOVES his big brother, which I think is REALLY cool. His face totally lights up when Boston enters the room and he gets really excited when Boston talks to him or plays with him. I think that's awesome!
Boston is also getting bigger and bigger. He is absolutely hilarious (of course I'm his mother and I would think that regardless, but he really is). He cracks me up all the time. He is wanting to learn how to read, so I guess I should teach him one of these days. He really loves puzzles AND playing all the many games on Lance's ITOUCH. He gets high scores all the time -- he loves it!
Lance and I are celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary tomorrow --awwwww, how sweet!! I know! We are still working 3 part-time jobs between us and rockin' along! He would love to become full-time at the church, which may happen in the not too distant future - we shall see. We are really excited to get this school year kicked off with the students at church - our prayer is to see some growth this semester, spiritually first of all, but also numerically.
I started teaching a BOOTCAMP this morning - we will meet twice a week for 8 weeks. I have 7 ladies signed up and I think it went really well for our first day. It's at 5:30 in the stinkin' morning, but it's just 2 days a week -- I think I can handle it. It was really fun!
Lance and I are also both training for the Austin Marathon in February -- we'll see how that goes. He's run 2 marathons and I've run about 5 miles at one time before! I'm actually only training for the half marathon, which is 13 miles, but still seems like a long way to me! It's Valentines Day weekend, so I think it will be fun.
Anyway, I can't think of much else to update right now and I don't have any pictures to upload - we need a decent camera one of these days! Maybe I should start a savings fund for that...

What Am I Doing?

2009-06-28T15:36:00.003-05:00

I asked myself this question today after our church service. What is my life about? What, in my life, is glorifying to God? What, in my life, is pointing others to Christ? What is my purpose? Because I feel like my purpose most of the time is to make my time here on earth as comfortable as possible - do I still love God in the process? sure. Do I still do things in His Name, hoping to bring others to know Him? sure. But, what is my life really all about? I get so caught up in being in this world and doing all the things that this world does - except, of course, for the really bad things that Christians shouldn't do! But, should Christians FILL their minds with God-absent entertainment that does nothing more than deaden our capacity for joy in Jesus? Should Christians create an environment of jealousy among peers in their constant quest to have stuff and look "good?" Should Christians WASTE THEIR TIME?! All of these things have been rattling around in my head this morning/afternoon and I'm not saying that I have the answer to all of it, but I feel like I'm on the brink of something BIG! Not that I have the capacity to do big things, but God does and He is waiting patiently for me to say - "I'm DONE with the things of this world - I want NOTHING more than to glorify you in all that I say, all that I do, all that I think, all that I am!" I'm ready to say that -- HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE! So, how do I move in that direction? What steps do I need to take to make myself so different from this world and the evil in it so much so that my life begins to reflect Christ in an amazing way to those around me? Pray. Read His Word. Meditate on the things He tells me. Aren't those things you should be doing anyway? ABSOLUTELY! So, just do them, right? Quit talking about it and become the person He so desires for me to be!!! One thing He convicted me of this morning was this: I feel like I've been waiting around for an example of exactly who I want to be, you know? It was as if I had said - I want to be the person you want me to be, God, but I need you to show me what it looks like exactly - I need to see someone my age, in a similar circumstance as me, cool like me (ha), living totally and completely for you and then, I can use them as an example and that would be much easier for me! Had I ever said all of that out loud? NO, but God showed me today that that was an idea floating around in my head and that I needed to get rid of it! I walked up to the altar and prayed for Him to take such thoughts out of my head. I left them there and committed to BE the example! Stand up and be that person and quit looking for it in someone else, you know? It felt good and I'm excited!
My source of spiritual power is not going to come from movies and internet and TV and the things of this world, so why waste my time on those things? (I'm obviously on the internet now, but I'm journaling, people)! I've heard people argue that they need to be relevant in order to minister to the people around them (meaning, they need to stay current in the movie scene, the entertainment industry and what not in order to be effective)! BLAH BLAH BLAH is what I have to say to that! Being entertained by sin does not increase compassion for sinners! What good can come from ALL of the sexually explicit material that surrounds media these days? NONE GOOD is the answer! Also, do you know how deadening to your brain the triviality of television is? We need to enlarge our capacity to be moved by the immeasurable glories of Christ, but television takes us in the opposite direction, shrinking our minds ability to glorify Him!!! I absolutely do not regret the absence of television in my house - now, to talk the family into going cold turkey on the movies!!!
Seriously, I'm DONE wasting my life! Trivial, meaningless things are OUT THE WINDOW!! I'm ready to be used by God all day, everyday!! Pray for me!

Holy Emulation

2009-06-20T16:33:00.004-05:00

I don't at all want to sound like I think I'm some big hot shot and everyone wants to be like me, but at the same time, I can't deny that I am watched. People I work with know that I love the Lord and I would be kidding myself to think they are not watching to see how I'm different than they are. We work with students at our church, which is like signing up to have all eyes on you - these kids are at crucial times in their lives and they are desparately searching for someone/something to pattern their lives after (even if they don't admit it). It's sobering to realize that your life is bigger than you - the things I do, the steps I take, the words I say - it's all got a purpose. I want to strive to be constantly aware of that and quit being so selfish. What is my goal in life -- to not waste it! How does that happen - when I'm honoring and glorifying Him. I want my life to point others to Christ.

From an author, Thomas Brooks:

Bad men are wonderfully in love with bad examples.... Oh, that we were as much in love with the examples of good men as others are in love with the examples of bad men.
Shall we love to look upon the pictures of our friends; and shall we not love to look upon the pious examples of those that are the lively and lovely picture of Christ? The pious examples of others should be the mirrors by which we should dress ourselves.
He is the best and wisest Christian...that imitates those Christians that are most imminent in grace.... It is noble to live by the examples of the most eminent saints.

I want to provide a holy example with my life. I don't want to be the bad example who spends her time worried about worldly things, filling herself with the things of this world, forgetting to look beyond herself and point others to Christ. How dreadful is the picture of a wasted life?!

“[Do] not be sluggish, but imitators of those who through faith and patience inherit the promises” (Hebrews 6:12).

“Show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works, and in your teaching show integrity, dignity” (Titus 2:7).

AND for my kids -- who, on this earth, is going to love them more than I do? Who should be the one to teach them what it is to honor and glorify Christ? Who needs to help them realize that this is not our home nor are the meaningless luxuries and rampant idolatry? What a job, huh?

Okay, so that was supposed to be a segway into talking about my kids!

Boston starts soccer camp this next week - he is so excited. I think it will be really good for him to have a teacher to listen to and follow instruction from with other kids his own age. We will see how it goes. He asked me yesterday when he gets to go soccer camping! ha! He also tubed behind the boat this week - it was awesome! Lance was sitting at the edge of the boat with his life jacket on ready to jump in, but Boston did perfectly. We kept asking him if he was done and he would shake his head no. We finally just had to make him come in because the sun was going down!!

Dash is just getting bigger and bigger and losing his hair. It is still looking really blonde and his eyes are still blue and his skin is still really pale. Other than those major things, he does look a little like his brother. He LOVES to play under his little baby gym that has linky toys hanging down -- he has been to my work kids club 3 times now (2 hours at a time) and they said he did perfectly. They never even had to pick him up - he was just so content all 3 times! AWESOME! He has been to the church nursery twice and fallen asleep both times, so that is good as well. He is REALLY big - 95%percentile, but so is boston, so nothing new here (they both had doctors appts a few weeks ago - the 2 month check-up and the 3 year check-up).

I am LOVING life with no TV (even though we watch a movie every night, but that's different). That's right, we did not make the DTV transition so now all of our free channels are gone and it's great. I feel like it wastes too much of my life and you know I'm not all about that! We are well into the heat of the summer here in Houston and I am also loving that. (Lance isn't really loving either of those things, but he'll survive)

And now for some cool pics:

I did a mini-photo shoot with my cheap Lumix Camera (okay, so it wasn't that cheap, but it wasn't like a fancy digital SLR or anything like that) - this was the pic I used for Lance's Father's Day Present.

Dash getting so big (he's completely naked in this picture because he just got out of the pool after his first swim)!

Boston jumping into the pool - he LOVES this little life vest swimsuit thing - he's just like a little fish!

daddy day care

2009-06-10T12:56:00.002-05:00

cdock: i'm leaving for work, be back in 2 hours. ddock is getting a little fussy, so he will probably want to take a nap soon. you will need to hold him like this (demonstrated the cradle with one baby arm tucked under one adult arm) and rock him in his room and hold his pacifier in his mouth. he will probably be a little fussy at first, but then you should be able to rock him to sleep.
2 hours later
cdock: how did it go?
ldock: fine
cdock: so, you got him to go to sleep okay?
ldock: ya, but i can't do all that stuff you do
cdock: so, what did you do?
ldock: i layed him in his bed and put his pacifier in his mouth and he went to sleep

NICE!

for the talent scouts...

2009-06-05T12:07:00.004-05:00

Just wanted to showcase the versatility:

West Texas Visit

2009-06-04T15:10:00.006-05:00

Gramma and Dash

Balancing requires you hold your mouth just so.

Disclaimer for the following 3 pics: Dash wanted me to let you know that he does not necessarily have a favorite great aunt, but we just thought these pics were too cute to leave out.

Genius: I can already mimic facial expressions!

so silly!

good smile

Great Great Grandmother - Mamaw

Boston, Dash, and Mamaw

Grammy with all her grandchildren!

Aunt Shane

Cousin Sadie and Dash chattin' it up

The Happiest Baby Wise Whisperer on the Block at 12 weeks old

2009-05-27T23:12:00.002-05:00

That would be the title of my book.
It would be for new moms who don't have the time/energy/determination/discipline to follow the "simple" plans outlined in the books hinted at above.
It would be a 2 step book and here is what it would look like:
1. Feed your baby when he/she is hungry and let them eat until they are full. (i.e. don't starve your child just because they are only "supposed" to have a certain amount of ounces or it's not the exact right "time" for them to eat.)
2. Put your baby to sleep when he/she is tired. (they are probably tired A LOT when they are babies, so let them sleep - don't wake them up to eat to stay on schedule and don't try crazy weird things to keep them awake because the book says they are supposed to be awake)

This has worked for me with 2 babies and they have both slept through the night by 8 weeks old. (not the dumb definition of sleeping through the night being 5 hours in the aforementioned books, but a solid 8, 9, or 10 hours each night).
I think I could be a millionaire. It's an easy read. It's a proven method. One problem: they can download the book for free right here! Darn!

Was this mean? Don't be offended if you are a scheduler (mustangsah) because I still love you and that works for you and I was NOT making fun of you. I am, however, making fun of the endless list of books available to "train" your child so you can have them sleeping through the night (5 hours at a time) when you can do the 2 most basic things for them (feed them and let them sleep) and it will likely happen anyway. Just a thought!

Pictures and News

2009-05-20T14:05:00.003-05:00

A couple of newsworthy updates:

Yesterday at gymnastics (I am the teacher so I get to see up close things) - boston told the boy sitting next to him: Jesus is everywhere. The little boy said: yep! I thought it was cute!

Yesterday, also, we were swimming at the Davis' (well, boston and miss lauren were swimming - brooke, dash, and I were poolside). I was feeding Dash, looking at Brooke (I'm sure we were talking, cuz I know I wasn't just checking her out) and I saw her gasp and jump up. I, naturally, looked up and saw Boston with his head under water, trying to get back up to the surface and Lauren trying to get over to him. She, of course, saved him and he was, of course, pretty frightened. It wasn't incredibly scary, because I knew Lauren was right there about to get him, but it was still hard to see! Anyway, we got to have a long talk about why pools are dangerous and that you have to be very careful around them. His next sentence after this talk: Now that you aren't holding Dash, mom, can you come over here and let me jump off of the diving board to you? He was, obviously, traumatized!

Yesterday at dinner, Boston says: Mom, you can be angry, but you can't stay angry. How profound is that coming from the mouth of a 3 year old? CRAZY!

He also got a bit of a mohawk yesterday! He's such a rebel.

He's also doing puzzles for 6 year olds -- he loves them!

Needless to say, he is smart. But, why should we be surprised by that?

Here's som pics for ya:

Lance and I at the Crocs Tour (mentioned in previous post)

Our first venture with the double jogging stroller (boston, dash, and I)

He LOVES to hold his brother -- awww, so sweet, I know!

See?

This is what Lance does when he has both the boys -- take pictures, which is good because I really stink at taking them. By the way, he has both of them by himself fairly often, because Dash isn't big enough to come to work with me yet, so Lance has to stay home when I work all my 8 hours per week! He is a GREAT dad! (and it's not even Father's Day yet)

Dashel Update

2009-05-18T23:49:00.002-05:00

Boston had a xanga site when he was a baby (I don't guess he technically had it, I did, but it was all about him). Anyway, I was looking at it the other day (www.xanga.com/boston_max) and was reminded of some major milestones in his infancy. Needless to say, I have not done that for this neglected 2nd child! So, we will use this blog to document such milestons: HE SLEPT 9 1/2 hours lastnight -- NO JOKE!! He ate at 8:45, went right to sleep and did not wake up until 6:15 -- that's HUGE! Anyway, one day I will look back at this and realize how weird it is that I thought this was so blog worthy! I would post some pictures too, but that would require me getting up and getting the camera out and going through the whole download/upload process and I don't really want to do that right now. So, maybe later!
UPDATE on my last post -- my heart is still full as He gives me more glimpses of my purpose here and now. I was directed to this verse due to the situation of a friend right now, but I feel like it applies to us all on so many levels:
"for i am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -romans 8:38-39
His love is HUGE and I am so thankful for that. I'm so glad I'm on his team and no one can ever change that! Praise God today for who He is and for His purpose in my life!

a glimpse

2009-05-15T21:58:00.003-05:00

I don't even really know where to begin today's post -- let's just say that I have a really thankful, content heart today! It's great! Here's what happened: I had a date today with my husband. We left our house at 9am and returned home at 6pm (weird time for a date, huh?) Well, remember from the previous post if you will, that I was in Houston earlier this week with my mom when I noticed a billboard advertising the Crocs AVP Tour in Houston today, tomorrow, and Sunday! Lance LOVES the AVP! He wears yellow AVP crocs pretty much everyday - no joke! So, I immediately thought that we should go. At first, I wanted to make it a surprise to him, but I was having a little trouble arranging a babysitter AND remembered that we were having a college fellowship (SMACKDOWN, to be exact) here at our house Friday night, so I decided to go ahead and let him in on my plans so I could see if he thought we should try and go or not. He, of course, wanted to go. So, we figured out babysitting, got everything ready for the party and left our house at 9am so we could watch some of the tournament and get back in time for the party. So, what makes me be so thankful/content today?
A few things: 1)my relaxing, fun date with my husband - it is so good to get away, even when you're just watching sand volleyball, 2) the ability to stay home with my kids, and 3) the fact that God knows best and only gives us glimpses of our future, revealing only what we need to know right then
I met Lance in High School and got one of the 1st glimpses of my adult life: that I would be his wife! That was awesome and God worked it out in His own time (that story is a totally separate blog post -- maybe even it's own blog page)! I graduated High School and got another glimpse: just go to school and finish (so I did, with no real career goal in mind, but was totally okay with that). While in college, I got a really important glimpse that I have never questioned and am so glad that it's not something I struggle with: that the purpose of my life with Lance is to serve Him vocationally. I've never been on the payroll where Lance has been the minister, but I never questioned that it was my full-time job as well, to be a minister there. If it's being a student minister, then those students are our lives -- we invest in them and do our best to point them to Jesus each and every day. If it's being the minister of recreation, then we played T-Ball or Basketball every Saturday and had practices every night of the week, in hopes that someone would come to know Christ. If it's being a worship pastor at a brand new church where students still need ministered to and college kids need discipling and TONS of little things just have to get done, then that's what we do with our time and energy. That was a long description of the glimpse God gave me, but I embraced it and have lived it and LOVED it. There is a point here, I promise. And maybe all of this reflecting is happening because I have a milestone birthday coming up (no, I'm not turning 30 yet, but 29 is really the milestone, because it's your last year of being in your 20's)! Anyway, I just realized today, when I got home and started getting ready for our party and loving on our boys that I am so incredibly thankful in so many ways. I'm so glad that I am able to stay home and be a mother all day, everyday. Was that EVER something I aspired to do with my life? No, not necessarily, but I believe God gave me another really important glimpse today. I left my house at 9am and returned at 6pm and felt like I missed my kid's whole day; I felt like they probably missed me, because we are usually together all day. Then it hit me: this is what working moms do EVERYDAY!!! Thank you, God, for giving me a glimpse of the purpose you have given me with my kids. Thank you for directing me to get a college degree, then moving me somewhere where that degree provided no real job opportunities. Why should I be thankful for that? Because had I tried to be in control of all of that, I would have been career focused when Boston came around, but instead I had a job where I got to continue to be with Boston everyday and be the minister alongside Lance that He had called me to be.
I feel like I am totally rambling here, which I am, but my heart is just so full - I can't get it all out in type fast enough. I'm just so glad that God tells me, little by little, what I am to be doing with my life. Marry Lance. Go to college. Get a Degree. Be a Minister with Lance. Be a Mother to your children. So, I'm going to keep doing those last 2 things until He gives me my next glimpse. I'm not going to worry about a career or the future or other menial things --- I'm exactly where God wants me to be, doing exactly what He wants me to do and I'm so glad! I'm glad my life is all about Him. It's my pleasure to serve Him with my everything, to open my home up to students 24/7, to let my husband spend his time doing the things that need to be done in a new church, to raise my kids among all of this!
Thank you God for the glimpses!!!

Mothers Day/Mini Vacay

2009-05-12T15:20:00.004-05:00

Mother's Day was GREAT - my mom has a conference in Houston all this week, so she came in on Saturday, we had mother's day and baby dedication at church on Sunday, then Boston, Dash, and I accompanied her to her hotel in Houston on Monday -- we went ice skating at the galleria, then visited the aquarium and had dinner there. It was pretty awesome - here are some cool pics:

Riding the carousel at the aquarium

All of us at the "picture spot" -- boston said this was the shark from Shark Tales

Boston as a scuba diver

Ice Skating -- woo hoo - what was I thinking? Really, it wasn't that bad - he just needs to learn to keep his feet straight!

What is that look?

Kisses on Mother's Day

They make me a mother!

Me and my mom (and a little bit of Dash's head and hand - couldn't crop anymore)! Am I the only one who feels sorry for their mom the older they get? Because I realize all of the sacrifices she makes/has made just for me to be comfortable or happy or taken care of -- she ALWAYS puts me ahead of herself and I grow more and more thankful of the mom that I have the older I get. They tell you this will happen when you have kids, but you never believe them (whoever "they" is). It's true, though, and I'm just glad that God is in control of who we are - who our parents are, who are children are -- He makes that happen, you know? AND, He knows exactly what He is doing. I'm so glad that's true -- I'm really glad that He gave me a picture of the type of mom that I want to strive to be for my boys, through my mom!

Mother's Day Lunch at Buca di Beppo - (Lance was there, he's just taking the picture)

My Pleasure

2009-05-09T22:36:00.003-05:00

Awesome picture painted by none other than, my wonderful 3 yr. old, Boston:
I asked him to do something for me yesterday while I was feeding Dash (it would be a much better story if I could remember what that something was, but I can't -sorry). He did whatever it was and I said, "Thanks, Boston." His response: "It's my pleasure!" How funny is that? He's THREE years old!
So, how many times does God (via the Holy Spirit) ask/prompt us to do certain things? Answer: all of the time! Question: How often is our response -"my pleasure!"? The answer there for me is - rarely! That's sad, isn't it? I totally desire for my life to be all about Him, for my sole purpose to be to glorify Him, so why don't I take pleasure/find joy in doing all of the things that He prompts me to do? Why do we find it so hard or boring or (insert word meaning lame or weird or something of the like) to serve Him? We were created to enjoy God -- why is it so hard for us to see that? Why do we try to find pleasure in all of these other meaningless things?
My goal: For my response to God to always be: "It's my pleasure, Lord!"

Philippians 4:4 - "Rejoice in the Lord always and again I say rejoice!"
Psalm 100:2 - "Serve the Lord with gladness..."
Psalm 16:11 - "You show me the path of life; in Your Presence there is fullness of joy, in Your right hand are pleasures forevermore."

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisified in Him." -John Piper

And, we'll end with a pic:

Glorify Him

2009-05-09T00:13:00.002-05:00

What up? Just wanted to post some new pics of the kidd-o's getting big! Fun, huh?

Anyway, here's my question of the day: What's my job/responsibility when people just don't get it? It being our reason for being on this earth. (That reason, by the way, is to glorify God) It just frustrates me when people just don't understand. I'm not saying that everything that I do brings glory to His Name, but I understand that it should, you know? So, the question is - how do I deal with people who don't understand this, but think that they do? I want to be loving and I want to be welcoming, but at the same time, I want them to understand. I want God to be glorified in their lives, you know?! So, how does one handle such a situation?

My Thoughts on Prayer - Revisited

2009-04-30T23:07:00.003-05:00

I wasn't kidding when I told you that prayer was very mysterious to me, so you shouldn't be surprised that I am blogging about it again, but with some new insight!!! (I had to seek out the insight since no one commented on my 1st prayer blog)!

Check out these 2 verses:

John 14:13-14: “Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.”

John 15:7-8, 16: “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples . . . . You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.”

So, where do you think I might be going with this?! It's pretty awesome really and it totally helps prayer make sense in my finite mind and seem so incredibly important to me, and here it is:
THE AIM OF ALL PRAYER IS THAT GOD MIGHT BE GLORIFIED!
How awesome is that? And so totally clear when you look at those verses, huh? God is glorified when our prayers are answered. Prayer exists to show that God is supremely glorious! "Hallowed be Thy Name!" -- look at the Lord's prayer -- what comes first? HIS GLORY -- hallwoed by thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done -- then, and only, then comes the next part: asking for daily bread. THE GOAL IS HIS GLORY!!

This makes me want to pray all day long -- it's sad, I know, that I have been a Christian for over 20 years and I am just now realizing that prayer is not about us, it's not about "feeling it," it's really not even about praying for things or healing or protection - it is ultimately about His Glory! My prayers can be for healing or protection or whatever if He be glorified in that healing or that protection or whatever it is.
I totally apologize if this makes no sense to you, but it is a HUGE breakthrough for me and I am excited about it.
Do I have prayer figured out now? No
Did God reveal some incredible insight into prayer to ignite my heart to have a passion to pray? ABSOLUTELY!!!

Fat Bottom!

2009-04-26T17:20:00.003-05:00

"Look, mommy, I'm almost as big as you, but I don't have a fat bottom like that."

4 Types of People

2009-04-22T10:56:00.007-05:00

In my very modest opinion, there are 4 types of people in this world:

1. those who are NOT athletic and embrace that

2. those who are NOT the most athletic and try so very hard to be

3. those who ARE extremely gifted, athleticly speaking, and flaunt it

4. those who are usually the best at everything they do and are extremely humble about it

Now, which one of those would we all rather be? #4, of course! And how many of us know people like that? All of us do! BUT, how many of you are married to a #4? I am currently raising my hand (okay, I'm actually typing, but you know what I mean).

So, I took my one month old and my 3 year old to a 30 and over league basketball game lastnight. Why? Because my #4 husband plays in said league (no, not my 4th husband - I only have one)! Someone on the other team was DEFINTIELY a #2 and it was quite humorous to watch. The sad part of it was that I totally saw myself in that guy. YIKES! Now, I said there were 4 types of people in this world, but I, of course, fall into a 5th category where I am extremely athletic, but just not the BEST at everything and that frustrates me. Ha! Seriously, what I saw in this guy was that he could not stand the fact that HE was not in control over the game, the officials, other players, and he made that quite clear. I do exactly the same things in sports and I guess I always thought it was permissable when I was young, but to see a grown man act this way was eye-opening for me.

I really have tried, in the past, to not make such a big deal out of whatever sport I am playing, because I know it isn't THE most imporant thing in life, but it is just so hard when I am in competition mode. Anyway, I guess the spiritual application here is:

1. I'm thankful that God allowed me to see this #2 guy and give me a visual of what I don't want to be!

2. When God asks me to glorify Him in all things, that includes whatever sport I am playing, even when I'm NOT the best and may be playing with a #4!

3. Give God Control -- that may not seem so hard for some of you, but for those of us who like for things to be "right" and "fair" all of the time, it's hard. I was reminded, during this game, that I can't always be in control and I don't know everything (yes, I did just say, or type, that)! Just let God be in control of all the details of my life and maybe I won't act like an annoying #2!

Also, I just want to add that my #4 husband is AWESOME! Seriously, I was so glad that he was husband and not this #2 guy! He is extremel y humble, even though he usually is the best at everything that he does. Isn't that cool?

By the way, the pictures at the top of the post have nothing to do with these 4 types of people, they're just cute, cuz incase you didn't know - I make cute kids!!!

I Forgot!

2009-04-06T16:51:00.002-05:00

Yes, I just made a new post without publishing a picture, so don't let this picture cause you to miss the other post from today down below. Isn't it a funny picture -- it sort of looks like they are looking at each other - kinda silly!

God knows what He's doing.

2009-04-06T16:40:00.002-05:00

Isn't it comforting to know that He is in total control? He knew that we did not have maternity coverage when He decided to form a new life inside of me. He knew that I would try to be responsible and pre-pay at the hospital for a normal vaginal delivery even though this new life would actually come into this world via a very expensive c-section. He knew that I would need to formula feed rather than breastfeed, which is much more expensive. And, He knew that we would suddenly need a new dryer 2 weeks after previously mentioned new life came home! So, I could freak out and wonder how we would ever be able to pay for everything, but the truth is WE can't! So, what good does it do to worry about it? I'm just glad that this is not my home and all of these things are so trivial and unimportant and that God's got it under control. He knows what He's doing. He knows how it will all work out and I am content. PRAISE GOD!

Therapy

2009-04-01T13:24:00.004-05:00

So, either no one reads my blog (most likely answer) or no one knows anything about prayer (also a possible answer). It is mysterious, isn't it? I ask Lance all the time when someone asks for our prayer -- "why should I pray for so and so to be healed?" His answer is usually - because God tells us to. Then my response is usually, well, I'm gonna pray that we be okay with whatever His will is -healing or no healing, to make us give Him glory either way. And he usually tells me --"that's fine." So, that is where I am in my prayer journey -- it's conversation with God, yielding to His authority and His will, and asking Him to make my heart match His. So, if answer #1 is the case, I'm going to keep blogging because it is quite therapeutic to get it all out, you know?

Anyway, here's a pic for those of you who like that sort of thing:

This is Dashel at 10 days old -- he went to the doc today for his state mandated newborn screening. It was terrible -- heel prick and 5 minutes of squeezing his blood from his heel - the government should be ashamed of itself for requiring such a thing! Anyway, he is 7lbs 11 oz (he was born 7 lbs 0 oz) and is 21 inches long (he was born 20 inches). His circumsision is healed and his belly button is looking good. So, now if he can just learn how to eat more when it is eat time so he isn't so hungry every 2 hours!!!

I am not being partial to Dash by only posting a pic of him - Boston is still with my mom in Shallowater, so no new pics - he will be there 9 more nights!

Anyway, here are some pics for those of you who like that sort of thing:

Prayer -- Give Me Your Thoughts!

2009-03-30T22:01:00.002-05:00

I'd like to start off by saying that I do have a prayer life and I know what it is to talk to God.
BUT -- I have always struggled with why He has us pray FOR things, like healing or protection or things like that. I mean, in my mind, I feel like He already has a plan - He knows what is going to happen -- are we praying to change the heart of God, because that isn't really possible. I feel like prayer is commanded by God and is required for intimacy with Him and I am totally cool with that and love having conversation with God.
So, what I am asking for is this: Tell me what you have learned about/from prayer. Try and explain what it means to pray for others, for healing, FOR things. Tell me your thoughts on prayer.
Thanks!

Dashel Parker Dockrey...and his post-partum mother

2009-03-29T20:53:00.002-05:00

I didn't really care to post unattractive hospital pics, so here is one of us leaving the hospital and one of Dash and big bro, Boston -- aren't they sweet? We are so, so thankful that my mom was able to stay with us all week - she cleaned and cooked AND (drumroll, please) - stayed in the bed in Dash's room and did ALL of the nightime feedings! She left today, which means, yes - our nights of peaceful sleep are over!!! But, it also means that Boston is gone -- she took him to her house until April 10!!! Can you believe it? This was the plan all along- although, Dash came a week early, so we didn't really expect him Boston to be gone for so long. It will be good, though, with the c-section recovery (another unexpected twist). Anyhow, we were also visited this week by my dad and step-mom (Papa and Gran) and Lance's Dad and step-mom (Jim Dad and Sherry) and no, I do not have any pictures to post -- so sorry, but we are glad they got to meet Dash. Lance's mom also came and visited while we were still in the hospital, so all of the grandparents have met their newest grandbaby!!
Now, on to the post-partum mother (it is my blog after all)! Here are the things I have been dealing with this past week:
1. worry (about myself as a mother, finances, the future, leaving Boston, etc...)
2. doubt (about myself as a mother and my ability to care for 2 kids, etc...)
3. jealousy (seeing other people in seemingly better situations, of moms who seem to have it together better than I do)
I realize that a lot of this stems from uncontrollable hormonal emotions at this point in my life, but it's still no fun to deal with and here is the Scripture I've found:
This one is kind of a stretch, but it makes sense to me: Galatians 5:16 -- "I say then: walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh." We talked about the Holy Spirit in our youth Bible Study tonight and it is confusing to know what it means exactly to walk in the Spirit. But, it means to allow Him free reign each and every moment of every day -- allow the conviction, allow the comforting, allow the discernment, allow the prompting, allow the encouragement. This is a conscious effort that I need to be making and I KNOW that the worry and doubt and jealousy will subside.
The next: Philippians 4:6-7 -- "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and all the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." This one hit me like a ton of bricks -- I need for Him to guard my heart and mind, especially in this vulnerable state and this Scripture says that He absolutely will -- I just need to go to Him, not anxiously, but with thanksgiving - just go to Him. I love how comforting His Word is!
And for the last one: John 15:5 -- "...for apart from me you can do NOTHING." So, where did all 3 of these Scriptures lead me? Straight to Him. He wants intimacy with me. He wants for me to cast my cares upon Him. He wants to give me peace that surpasses all understanding. Hallelujah! Pray for me this week that I will be reminded to simply go to Him because apart from Him, I can't be the mom I need to be, I can't have financial peace or peace about the future. Apart from Him, jealousy creeps in and takes over! It is stinkin' hard to be a mom, but I'm so glad I don't have to do it alone!

What's Up With That? ... a Top 5 List

2009-03-27T11:04:00.003-05:00

1. they send new mothers home with a prescription for narcotics to take care of a new baby ... what's up with that?
2. i intended for this blog to be somewhat of an online spiritual journal without it becoming an online photo gallery of my really cute kids and ramblings of pediatrician updates and what not - as if I could separate my spiritual life from my real life ... what's up with that?
3. a seemingly normal 3 year old with a very sweet temprament has a mother who births a new baby and he turns into a not-so-normal 3 year old with a not-so-sweet temprament who forgot how to act ... what's up with that?
4. some people have to deal with major surgery recovery with a new baby and a toddler without an awesome, self-sacrificing mother and wonderfully sensitive husband ... what's up with that?
5. innocently playing your favorite cell phone game while lying in bed when your bottom lip just starts to quiver causing an all-out cry session for no apparent reason ... WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?

A Call to Die - week 2

2009-02-20T00:50:00.002-06:00

Okay, so this week was about dealing with the "hard words" we sometimes have to hear from Jesus - like, get such and such out of your life or go do this incredibly hard thing that no one else would understand, and the like. We talked about how to deal with these hard words - 1)be receptive, 2)obey, 3)be thankful cuz He's only telling you cuz He loves you, and 4) be RUTHLESS in taking care of business! I desperately desire for Him to point out the CRAP in my life that I place before Him because I desperately want to follow Him with everything that I am. So, I ask these "young adults" to pray each day this last week for God to shine His light on anything or anyone that is occupying His place in their heart and then to write those things down so they can begin dealing with them. Did I do it? Of course not! So, then it comes time for me to prepare for the next lesson to, so inadequately, teach them and for me to blog about week 2 in this call to die and I've got nothin'! What is that all about? Why do I, essentialy, forget about Him on a daily basis? Why do I think so many other things are so much more important and worthy of my time? I blame the culture, I blame being a mother, I blame being pregnant, I blame being sick, I blame being pregnant (oh, did I already say that one?). And, although, those are all fairly valid excuses - it is really simply my decision to be selfish. I, consciously, decide to not seek after Him, to not read His Word to me, to not, genuinely, say "Yes, Lord" each and every morning. And, I'm done! I don't wanna be a poser (I initially wrote fake, but then decided to modernize the language a bit). I do love God and I want to fall deeper in love with Him. I want to be uncomfortable with the things of this world, even when that makes no sense to the people around me. I wanna follow Him and I, desperately, want for these "young adults" to experience Christ the way that I have so many times. Oh, how their lives would change. Thank you, Lord, for the opportunity to play a role in showing them who You are and how You have called them to die. I commit myself to death, today.

LOT's of Catching Up...

2009-02-12T23:24:00.002-06:00

Okay, so when this blog was started, I guess I thought that I would have all kinds of insightful, witty things to post -- turns out, that's not really the case. I could blame it on the pregnancy, but then I would feel obligated to be insightful and witty again after the baby is born, so I guess the 2 of you out there who actually read this blog can just live with the fact that I will post my ramblings on my own time...
Couple of things to talk about today and I don't really know where to begin.
1. First of all, let's just say that God is so good. He is so faithful and so constant, you know? How refreshing is that in today's world. I've been dealing with a bit of family drama that I let stress me out more than it should have (to the point of making myself sick - although, that isn't really that hard to do these days) and when I finally decide to just let it go -- who is there, ready to comfort me and give me peace and help me back on track? He's ALWAYS there and I am so thankful for that!
2. Alright, time for a cool illustration that I saw this last week. It was boston's birthday on Friday and my mom, aka Gramma, decided to make the 9 hour drive down here to surpise boston for his birthday. So, boston and I were coming home from lunch on Friday and I told him that there might be a surprise there for him when we got there. I called my mom on the way home and she was probably about 20 minutes behind us. When we got to the house, I told boston to look around for his surprise because it could be anywhere! He wanted to call his dad and ask him if he knew where his "prize" was. Dad told him that maybe he should just go outside and wait for it to come. So, that is what we did. It was pretty cute. Anyway, my mom drove up and he was pretty surprised, but he just ran up to her door looking for his prize! We tried to explain to him that Gramma coming WAS the surprise and he was, by no means, disappointed in that, but it was as if he just couldn't really understand how a person could be a prize or surprise. So, the illustration here is probably pretty self-explanatory, but it is always cool when God paints a picture for you in real life situations. Why is it so hard for us to see God as a prize. Why do we always have to look for what He might give us or "provide us with?" He IS our prize and we should treat Him as such. All boston wants to do when Gramma is here is play with her and spend time with her -- why are we not that way with the most awesome "prize" ever? Why do we waste our time and our lives on CRAP? My goal, since, has been to view God as my prize -- someone I am able to spend time with and enjoy and learn from and grow in -- every single day! I don't have to look around the house for him, I don't have to guess what the prize could be, I don't have to wait for him -- he is here, waiting for me to enjoy him! Super Cool!
3. a call to die -- week one! We have started a new Bible study on Fridays at lunch with the young adults at our church ( we named it a young adults study in the beginning in hopes that lance and I might actually meet some friends our own age, but they are all college students, way younger than us -- such is the life)! It's a journey of fasting from the world and feasting on God (yes, I just described the book using the tag line on the cover). Anyway, we started last week and I just want to try and update about it each week. It might be really cool to look back on and see how God used this study in certain ways. I am pretty excited about. Okay, so the 1st week was from Matt 16:24 - If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. We had a really good discussion about how to actually do each of those things. One of the main things that stuck out to me was to stop feeding selfishness. How hard is that in todays society? But in order for me to say yes to following Christ, I've got to say No to my selfish desires. So, I have tried to be mindful of that this week. My goal is to wake up each morning, saying Yes to God -- whatever that might mean for that day. I feel as if I have this attitude a lot of the times anyway, but it is so powerful to verbally confess that to God each and every morning. I will also say that it kind of hard to not be selfish when you are 8 months pregnant and MISERABLE -- I just want to lay on the couch and do nothing all day because I'm so stinkin' uncomfortable and moody and experiencing pain in places that I should not be experiencing pain!!! Anyway, God is teaching me through all of this and like I said, I am excited to continue on with this study - with all the wonderful college kids! (you know I had to throw that in, just in case one of them reads this one day)!!!

Can You Ask Jesus to Help Me?

2008-12-10T22:44:00.003-06:00

I'm a terrible blogger, I know, but....
Okay, so this one should be good -- it's pretty good in my head anyway. We will see how it comes out in type! My husband will actually claim to own this story, but it's happened to me as well, so ...
Boston is potty trained (or potty training -- how long do you have to say that you are still in the midst of potty training -- like, when is it finally over?)!!! Anyway, let me go ahead and say that I don't linger while on the "potty." You know how some people, like sit there forever doing their business (like someone that I live with)? Not me -- I'm in and out. Well, Boston has not followed in my footsteps. He likes to take his time while sitting on the potty. He's working on the stand up thing when going #1, so I am just referring to the actual sitting on the potty while working on the #2! So, anyway -- I don't really trust him in the bathroom by himself yet with the yuckiness that is #2 -- that is definitely NOT something that I want to clean up. So, we have spent some time sitting in the bathroom lately. Midway through the process most times, he has started asking me if I can ask Jesus to help him push out the poo-poo!! Cute, I know. But, why not? So, we do. The problem, in the brain of a 2 year old, comes when it doesn't automatically happen as soon as we say amen! How do you explain that? In my years of teaching students, I always like to tell them that God cares about the things that care about and to talk to Him about those things, even when it seems silly. I believe this would fall into that category, for sure. I think that it is totally okay for Boston to ask Jesus to help him with something, but I hate for Him to think that Jesus isn't listening or doesn't care just because his request is not fulfilled immediately, you know? We'll have to really think about how to handle this delicate situation in a young formidable mind. But, it does make you think, doesn't it. I mean, it's totally normal for a 2 year old to be a bit impatient. But, as adults, don't we expect God to answer our prayers the way we want Him to and NOW?! It's a good lesson -- I want Boston to know that God wants for him to talk to Him about anything, but to not get frustrated if he doesn't always necessarily get his way. I guess my answer to him needs to be that God knows best and there must be a reason that you need to sit here a little bit longer before the rest of your poop comes out! It seems so simple, but I'll bet it's a big deal in Boston's mind and I'm so glad that he is beginning to comprehend the things of God!

A Thankful Heart, a couple of weeks early (you know, cuz thanksgiving is coming up)

2008-11-16T22:00:00.004-06:00

Okay, so my main "gripe" in life lately has been finances. Read earlier posts to determine the reason for that. Sadly, it consumes most decisions that I have to make. I am fairly certain that no one would envy the financial situation we are currently in. (well, okay, there are probably plenty of people in worse financial shape that I am, but I'm trying to make a point here, so roll with it) You might even say that people could look at my life and expect me to be bitter or even a bit depressed that we are not more financially stable. Thankfully, I know who God is and I have never felt that way about my situation. Have I been a bit angry about it at times? Sure. Do I wish it were different. Sure. But, today, God gave me a reminder of my past that made me incredibly thankful for any financial strain I might be experiencing right now! (everything written up to this point has simply been an introduction to what I'm about to say, so in case you were skimming before, now is the time to pay attention) We were singing in church this morning and I don't remember the exact words we were singing, but it had something to do with praising God for being the one who pulls you up out of the pit, that He will be your Help and your Rescue and that a better day is coming. (I don't think any of those exact words were used, but it's the same idea) I was reminded of a time where I was singing such words with tears running down my face. I immediately felt again what it meant to really be crying out to God to pull me out of the darkness I was living in and praising Him for the hope He was giving that He would rescue me. The place Lance and I were in before coming to C3 had become darkness for us. We were definitely in a pit and I vividly remember attempting to sing praise songs to God, but would, very often, be unable because I could not control how hard I was crying. It was an incredibly hard time in my life and I am so thankful that God chose to remind me of it today so that I can be thankful for the fact that my biggest "gripe" right now is simply finances. It is sooooooo much more difficult to deal with spiritual and emotional darkness surrounding you than it is to deal with money matters. I cannot even begin to describe the whole situation, but I genuinely feared to raise a family among it. My heart wept for the kids in our youth group who knew church and the things of God to be nothing other than what was going on around them. I knew that God had called us there, but I knew I could not be there much longer. I have never begged God for anything more than to call us somewhere else. Now, I can't deny that God did some amazing things while we were there and He will even be able to use the experience later in our lives , just like He did today, making me thankful for where He has me now, causing me to praise Him for His steadfast love and grip on my life.

How Am I Going To Deal With Two?

2008-11-12T21:34:00.002-06:00

Boston is absolutely the cutest kid I know -- he is hilarious and incredibly smart (some might say gifted), but he drives me insane sometimes. This week, for example, he has had 4 or 5 fairly serious falls already, which require me to 1)comfort him 2) calm him down 3) assess the injury accurately 4)"fix it" 5) answer questions about it the rest of the day -- all of this takes TIME. Not that I am super busy or anything, but how am I going to do this with 2 kids? It's already exhausting with one. No, I am not an insensitive mother who despises taking care of her child's "boo-boo's" -- I'm just making a point. The driving me crazy part is the real issue -- the constant fit throwing. Anytime, he does not get his way -- he whines and throws a fit. Thankfully, he doesn't really throw fits like the one I saw today at Target -- a kid about Boston's age was on the ground while the mom was checking out biting her ankles and screaming -- no joke! (I'm knocking on wood right now). Anyway, it is becoming increasingly clear to me that my days are going to be filled with constant injury prevention/care and fit throwing. Granted, I send him to his room each time a fit is decided to be thrown, but that wears on you too. Anyway, people survive much worse, so I'm not that worried about it -- just getting a glimpse into my future and not necessarily excited about it.
How often do we drive God crazy? We want him to effectively take care of us each time we fall and, just like Boston, we want him to take care of it exactly like we think He should take care of it or else we may just throw a fit! I don't think it's a good idea to compare myself to God because I do get tired of it and annoyed by it, but I dont' think He does, necessarily. His mercies are new every morning -- Hallelujah! And I'm whining about taking care of 2 and look at the millions He so delicately cares for!! God is awesome and I am glad to be His child!

I didn't vote!

2008-11-04T22:33:00.002-06:00

That's right and I'm not even sure that I am registered to vote! I know, I know - some of you will feel compelled to yell at me and I am okay with that. Here's the thing -- what good does it really do? Texas ALWAYS ends up voting Republican, which is what I would have voted, so my vote would have done absolutely nothing. I'm not griping about the system, but I simply see no need for me to take the time when it honestly doesn't matter at all! Now, if I lived in a state where I thought I could try to make a difference, then my attitude would be different, but I don't, so I see no need. Now, I sometimes have the same attitude about prayer, but that doesn't mean I should quit praying, does it? There really is a mystery around prayer for me -- if God is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow - what does me praying FOR things do? I totally understand that it is important for me to have an intimate relationship with the Lord and have conversation with him and share things with him, but I am talking about the type of prayer where we ask God to change something like someones sickness or something like that (I can't think of anymore examples off the top of my head, but you know what I mean, right?). I mean, why do we pray for God's will to be done when we already know that it will? Anyway, it makes no sense I know, but sometimes I just don't understand why I should pray for certain things. All that to say, I still keep praying because even though I don't necessarily understand it, the Bible tells me to. I dont' think the same is true about voting - in certain elections, I really do not see the point for me to take the time to vote for the inevitable and the Bible is not clearly instructing me to do so, so I probably will continue to have this attitude!!

a "praise"

2008-10-20T22:53:00.000-05:00

This isn't really spiritual, which is what I intended this blog to be about, but I can make it spiritual by calling it a "praise." I am, obviously, sort of making fun at the fact that we make things spiritual to make ourselves feel better - like calling gossip, prayer concerns. But, anyway - enough of that, this literally did make me praise God today. Actually, as I was writing that - I was kind of thinking - that's a lie because have I actually praised Him for it or was I just thinking it was a really cool thing that happened to me? Doesn't really matter because it is still today and I am praising Him for it now! Now it sounds like it is going to be this really awesome thing while it is actually something not all that huge - but here it is: I teach little kid gymnastic classes 3 nights a week at the rec center down the street from my house. Last week, I had an out of control 3-5 year old class and they did not get a stamp at the end of class!! This was a huge deal and there were tears (not mine, but a couple of the kids). I realize that I am probably a bit crankier these days due to the pregnancy, but it really was ridiculous AND this particular class has become increasingly more defiant and WILD over the weeks. So, last week was the end -- I had had enough. And on a side note, their parents are right there watching -- they are behind a half wall of glass, but they can hear and see everything that we do! I HATE disciplining their children right in front of them -- there have been several occassions when, if the roles were reversed, I would have come into the class, taken Boston out, and disciplined him myself. I was slow to say this sort of thing before I had kids, but I have one now, very close to the same age as these kids and I KNOW that I would not condone the sort of behavior that I am forced to put up with. End side note. A few of the parents were a little shocked at how blunt I was in saying - no stamps, see ya next week! I wasn't necessarily worried about the parents being mad at me, but definitely a bit concerned that they might be put off enought to not sign their kids back up next session, which would diminish my paycheck! Well, I am happy to report (here comes the praise part) that the entire class (minus one, but I know the mom and had already spoken with her about it, so I know she didn't leave the class because she was mad) was here tonight AND they were awesome!! They actually stood in line when I asked them to, which has never happened! They sat and waited their turn very well, which has never happened. They listened and did exactly what they were supposed to do! It totally validated my decision to NOT reward their behavior with a stamp last week! Isn't it crazy what power some ink and a little picture of a thumbs up have?

Praying really hard

2008-10-20T16:52:00.000-05:00

I just heard someone say that they were praying really hard for something. What exactly does that mean? What is the difference between praying for something and praying really hard? What is the difference between seeking the Lord's will and really seeking it? Well, in asking myself this, I realized a difference: I've always claimed that I am in a constant state of prayer as the Bible instructs us to be, because I am constantly surrendered to and in tune with what God would have me do. I feel like I am always seeking Him in all things even if I'm not bowing down and closing my eyes and physically speaking a prayer, you know? And although those things are good, they are sometimes a substitute for "really" praying hard or "really" seeking Him in my life, which is not good. It's as if I convince myself that I am being who God wants me to be or doing what He wants me to do because I haven't heard Him tell me to be or do anything different. But, i fail to physically bow down and close my eyes and ask Him on a regular basis. People probably get sick of hearing me whine about my current situation, but it is somewhat all-consuming at this point, and so I am going to relate it to my current thought process, whether you like it or not! All along, I have felt like I was seeking the Lord and doing what He would have me do. I've thought - well, I know, without a doubt, that He moved Lance and I to Conroe, so I know that He is going to take care of the things that we left there. I've thought that there is nothing else that I can conceivably do (except for go and burn down the house and be done with it, which has definitely crossed my mind)! And while it is true that God will take care of what we left behind because we were being obedient to Him, that doesn't mean that I might not need to play a part in that. And just because I can't, in my limited mind, think of anything else that I could be doing at this point (except for pay someone to clean my house, pay the plumber to fix the leak, and other things that keep costing me money), that doesn't meant that God can't reveal something to me that needs to be done! Am I praying really hard for Him to reveal these things to me? Am I really seeking Him? The answer, up to this point, has been NO! I have been lazy -- maybe He has to bring me to this point of desparation to really communicate with Him! How sad is that?! So, here begins the praying really hard and really seeking Him for me.............

My Heart is Heavy

2008-10-14T23:54:00.001-05:00

Why don't the people around me love the Lord? Why do they waste their lives? Why don't they do everything in their power to honor and glorify Him? Why? Because I don't do my job as an ambassador for Christ! This heaviness in my heart all began with a phone call from a friend directing me to someones facebook page that included something that the caller, as well as myself, thought should not be there. It's one of those legalism of the church versus living under God's grace issues, which I hate. I mostly hate it because I know, in my heart, and in the leading of the Holy Spirit, that this "freedom" they claim to be living in is wrong, but I don't know God's Word well enough to refute it. So, I went searching -- I actually found LOTS of scripture and truth from His Word and was encouraged. I mean, I was encouraged because the truth was becoming clearer to me, but it just made my heart heavier for those who are decieved. I just don't understand it -- how people can truly claim to love the Lord and choose a path in life that looks like they desire to serve Him, and then get caught up in this whole emergent church lifestyle, becoming relevant to the world around them, and whatever other language they choose to attatch to it when it all, so obviously, contradicts the person of Christ. It just hurts my heart. I realize that I am, in no form of the word, perfect, but I do believe that there is a difference in a messing up but striving to be better AND living a life where you justify your sin in the name of Christian liberty! Anyway, that is where it all began for me this evening, then as I was in facebook, I saw some updated pictures and clicked on the album. It was an album of someone close to me and the pictures were of them drinking and partying and other things. It just made it all worse for me. I love this person and I hate to watch them waste their life on meaningless things. I aksed myself, over and over, as I looked at these pictures why they would be doing such things. Then, it hit me -- have I done anything to cause this person to want to live any differently? Have I shown them a picture of Christ in my life that causes them to want what I have? Do I love Jesus Christ so much that it is evident to the people around me? And the same goes for the people I was initially frustrated with, who choose to be free so they can do what they please, rather than be free to be like Christ -- I was looking for Scripture to back my claim so I could refute their actions, but really I just need to continually point them to Christ with my actions, show them the love of Christ, and do all I can to honor and glorify Him! That being said, I am glad that His Word encouraged me and enlightened me tonight so that I can be ready to share the truth when the situation calls for it.

I'm Looking for the Shadow!

2008-10-13T10:11:00.000-05:00

Okay, so God painted an awesome illustration for me yesterday at church, with the help of our pastor, Mike. Let me start with how it related to me -- the pastor did not include this part in his sermon, of course! Everytime we are outside - either simply walking to the car or actually walking somewhere or playing outside, Boston MUST be in the shade. He calls it a shadow. He will stop at the edge of the shade, where the sun begins, and not take another step unless he sees where the next shade will be. I am not making this up - it is hilarious. Luckily, in SouthEast Texas, there is lots of shade, unlike West Texas! So, the illustration at church yesterday was this: Are we walking in Christ's shadow or our own. If the Son (or sun) is behind us, we are walking in our shadow, but if the Son (or sun) is in front of us, we are walking in His shadow. It totally hit me that I need to be more like Boston, refusing to take another step unless I see His shadow. Boston chooses to only walk in the 'shadow' and so should I! It may make no sense at all to you, but it makes perfect sense to me, which is sometimes how God lessons go!

To Add Misery to Insult

2008-10-02T15:29:00.000-05:00

Do you ever ask God, why? Or suggest that He hurry up and end the problem or answer the question or reveal the solution? That is the situation I am in. Just yesterday, I was totally satisfied with His plan and His sufficiency to care for the problem at hand and it is just amazing how much Satan hates that sense of peace that the Holy Spirit was providing me with. We found out today that our former renters left TONS of stuff in our house, so we have to decide what to do about that. That isn't really much of a financial issue as it is an I am plain ticked-off issue. It could turn into a bit of a financial situation when I have to figure out how to have their junk hauled off, but really I just need to allow God to help me forgive them and love them and quit being so angry! The 2nd thing we found out today is that there is a MAJOR water leak underneath the house, which will likely be a financial issue. We got the water turned off, but are now waiting on the plumber to assess the situation, which includes damaged floors inside the house!! So, there is not only the bill to take care of those problems, but it delays our ability to sell the house, you know? A mere 12 hours ago, I had such peace about this whole situation and I just need to calm down and allow the Lord to show me that He is, indeed, still in control! I gotta say, though, I still want to say -- hurry up! Get on with the lesson teaching and just take care of the problem. I mean, I'm pregnant and don't need this extra stress, right? I know, I know, He knows the entire situation and is still in control!!

God is Good!

2008-10-01T15:53:00.000-05:00

That title could be appropriate for every blog I ever write, so you may see it again!
Okay, so basically, I'm just glad that God is on my team (or I'm on His -whichever)! I am so glad that I am able to trust Him and count on Him and just be His, you know? Here's the downlow: Lance has 2 part-time jobs (delivering Real Estate Magazines and Worship Pastor at C3) and I have a part-time job (teaching various classes at the City of Conroe Recreation Center). Needless to say, we are not rolling in the dough, but we are definitley making it okay. However, 2 pretty major things have happened recently that puts more than just a strain on our financial situation -- #1)We are having a baby and at my 1st OB appt, I was informed that I do not have maternity coverage on my insurance! We were told that we would need to call the hospital, pre-register, and then pay for the hospital charges by the 7th month, and that the doctors office would have a worksheet with a total of their charges by my next appt and that the total would also need to be paid by the 7th month! Needless to say, I was a little freaked out. We had good insurance when Boston was born, but I still saw copies of the bills and it was very close to $20,000!! Okay, so I was a lot freaked out! I talked to the hospital and the cost is incredibly lower when you pre-pay without insurance, so we are on our way to having that paid off. The OB/GYN that I had decided to go see was the only one that I knew of - she and her family go to our church. Her daughter used to be Boston's girlfriend - I don't think they have been playing together well lately - she has gotten taller than him, he must be intimidated by a taller woman! Anyway, she found out about my billing situation in her office and told the powers that be that she would not be charging me a dime!! I will still have to pay lab fees incurred while under her care, but that is all. So, God is Good!!
#2) We still own our house in Lamesa! We have had a family living there for the past year with a contract to buy the house on or before October 1st (today)! Well, they moved out last week without ever telling us! They still haven't told us and will not return our phone calls! So, we now have to pay 2 house payments to make and I have absolutely no idea how that is going to work!
So, how is God good in this situation? Because of Him and my reliance on Him, I am not worried about it! I think about what we are going to do, but He has given me a genuine peace about it, which is way cool! He knows what He is doing and I have never doubted the fact that He called us here to Conore to serve Him. Because of that, I know that He is taking care of what we left behind. I do hate that He has to use tough situations like this to teach us things, but I am definitely glad that He is in control and not me. So, let the lesson be learned - whatever it may be!

Do I Always Have to Put a Title?

2008-09-25T21:50:00.000-05:00

Okay, 2 interesting passages of Scripture that I read today:
The 1st is actually rather encouraging - Deuteronomy 4:28-30, "There you will worship man-made gods of wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or eat or smell. But, if from there, you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey Him."
Totally encouraging, right? Do I worship acutal gods of wood and stone - no, not necessarily. But, do I place things of this world before Him? - all the stinkin' time! I choose things over Him every single day. When He is not my number one priority, then that makes the things that are taking priority in my life over him, gods. But, this Scripture tells me that, if from here, I seek the Lord, I will find Him when I seek with all my heart and all my soul. That basically says to me that God knew ahead of time that I would make stupid decisions, like worshiping man-made idols, but then He told me how to remedy it! Thank You, Lord! Now, what exactly does it mean to seek Him with my whole heart and soul? How do I do that? That is my prayer for today -- that the Lord would teach me exactly how He would have me seek Him with everything that I am. Are there things that I need to remove from life in order to seek Him? What choices do I need to be making differently in order to give Him my all? I truly desire to know Him more and I want to seek Him with my whole heart and soul, so I pray today that He would guide me in that.
Okay, so I said that there were 2 passages of Scripture that I found today -- the 2nd one is not quite as encouraging, but definitely thought-provoking:
Hosea 5:6, "When they (speaking about the Israelites here) go with their flocks and herds to seek the Lord, they will not find Him; He has withdrawn Himself from them." The verse before it talks about them stumbling in their sin. I stumble everyday! Can you imagine the Lord withdrawing Himself from you? So, I sort of struggled with this verse today, questioning what causes the Lord to not be found. I know that I am not worthy of finding Him when I seek Him, but I read many other Scriptures today that promised I would find the Lord when I sought Him out. So, what is so different about the Israelites here? I don't understand it fully and it is not something that the Lord has chosen to reveal to me as of yet. I, basically, am leaning on the comfort of the Holy Spirit on this one for today. After praying about it, I trust Him and I trust that His Word is Truth! I trust that He wants intimacy with Him and so that is what I am going to seek! I thank the Holy Spirit for directing me today in coming to that conclusion!

1st Actual Journal Entry

2008-09-23T15:01:00.000-05:00

Why is it so hard to spend time with the Lord, the Creator of the Universe who wants to spend time with me, the One who is my Provider and Sustainer and Protector? What is up with that? It's like I'm too selfish or something. When Boston takes a nap, I just want to do nothing (nothing means eat popcorn and watch crap on tv)! So, my prayer today is that the Lord with light a fire in my heart to want to know Him better, to show me how to manage my time better, and to be disciplined. Here's the Scripture He showed me today, courtesy of a Desiring God e-mail I receieve from John Piper everyday. I don't always open them immediately, but I did today and how fitting:
John 15:6 - "If anyone does not abide in me, he is thrown away like a branch and withers; the branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned."
John 8:31 - "If you abide in my Word, you are truly my disciples."

Post Hurricane Ike- our front yard, side yard, back yard, front porch, and entire driveway is COVERED in branches and leaves that fell. I can't describe well enough that they are everywhere. Like, you can't see the cement on the driveway - you just see broken branches and leaves. Boston thinks it's cool because he likes "sticks" and now he can pick one up each time we go outside. But anyway, it totally paints a visual for me - my yard is full of the Christians in this world who choose not to abide in Christ, who decide to sit on the couch and eat popcorn rather than be intimate with the Lord! And what happens to those branches, they will be raked into pile, set out at the edge of the driveway with my trash, picked up on big trash day, and burned up! I don't want that to be me. Thank you, Lord, for painting that picture in my mind. Thank you for being there the moment I begin to seek You out. Thank you for convicting my heart today to abide in you. I want to be your true disciple. your follower, someone who radiates Christ to the rest of the world.

The Inaugral Blog

2008-09-22T23:31:00.000-05:00

Okay, so basically, I have decided that I need some accountability in my life. Pathetic? The answer is yes, but it is what it is! I have friends with blogs - some insanely hilarious and awesome (www.pregnantbrainvomit.blogspot.com), some simply an easy way to communicate with friends and family without having to call or e-mail them all individually, and some an online spiritual journal. I need the latter. I hear people talk about what the Lord is teaching them and the Biblical lessons they are learning from life at the moment and it so hard for me to admit this to the entire world, but it's been a long time since I have been the one able to say such words. I recall many times in life when I was so deeply enthralled with God's Word and it's relevance in my life and absolutely loving the things that He would teach me. Sadly, that's not me right now. I feel like I am sort of in survival mode or something and I can't shake it. Don't get me wrong - I love the Lord with all my heart and He still teaches me things all of the time, but I've not been seeking out that teaching. I haven't been intimate with the Lord. I haven't been caught up with who He is and what His Word says and all that that entails. Thus, the reason for this blog. I want this to be my online spiritual journal, but in order for it to actually hold me accountable - I'm gonna have to tell someone about it. That's the hard part. I like to fool everyone around me into thinking that I've got it all together and always have had. I dont' know how good of a job I've actually been doing with that, but that's all out the window when I open myself up like this. It's easy for some people, but not so much for me. I do think it's necessary, though. I want to be the person God wants me to be. I want to be the wife Lance deserves and the mother Boston deserves. So, here it begins. Where will the Lord take me? I'm pretty excited about that actually. I'm ready to be completely honest with myself, with the Lord, and with the world wide web! WOW!